By Jason Smith

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24)

Perhaps you’ve heard the oft-quoted line that “men are from Mars, and women are from Venus.” This statement highlights the noteworthy differences between men and women.

For many couples, these differences truly surface after the wedding bells ring. The story is told of a boy who asked his father, “Dad, what’s the difference between love and marriage?” The father replied, “Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener!”

Many a young couple could relate to this sentiment. In the days anticipating their wedding, the bride and groom both imagined the blissful life they are about to begin together. Of course, no one told them that their idealistic pictures are likely very different from one another. Perhaps, no one told them how much of marriage involves sacrifice. Perhaps, no one told them how many surprises there would be.

She didn’t know how much he liked working long hours on his car. He didn’t know how much she liked discussing paint colors. One woman was overheard at a garden-club meeting saying, “I never knew what compost was until I met my husband.”

I wonder how her husband interpreted that remark.

Whitney and I are in our seventh year of marriage, and although we know each other so well, I expect we will continue learning new things about one another for the rest of our lives. I think most married couples would agree. Just when you think you’ve solved the puzzle that is your spouse, you discover there’s a lot more pieces you didn’t even know about.

And yet, despite the incredible differences between men and women, marriage really is a beautiful thing.

How do I know? Because it was God’s idea. If You’re the infinite, all-wise, sovereign Creator of the universe, one thing a puny-brained human can’t legitimately accuse You of is a bad idea. Now, one thing we could legitimately say to Him is “God, this is a mystery.” In fact, the apostle Paul used that precise word. Speaking of marriage, he said, “This mystery is profound” (Ephesians 5:32).

So, as we navigate the wonderfully mysterious world of marriage, what wisdom can we glean from Scripture? Here, it is worth looking at the very first marriage. After all, God used Adam and Eve’s nuptials as something of a blueprint for how marriage is supposed to work.

Right after creating the man out of the dust of the earth and breathing life into His nostrils, God made a vast and paradisiacal garden in which he could dwell. Then we read this:

^“The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, ‘You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die’” (Genesis 2:15-17).

God tells him to take his fill of all he wants from the garden. He can sink his teeth into any of the delicious, tantalizing fruits he finds — except, of course, for that one that’ll kill him. Best to leave that one alone.

But aside from this curious prohibition, notice what the text says about man’s job. He has a calling to “work” and “take care of” the lush garden. In other words, God placed Adam there to cultivate the garden. A lot could be said about how this relates to humanity’s purpose in ruling over creation as God’s image-bearing vice-regents — spoken about in the chapter before this (see Genesis 1:26-28). But for now, it’s important to see that God planned for the man to work before sin ever entered the world.

Now, notice what God says next: “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18). In a perfectly good world created by a perfectly good God, this “not good” is a bit jarring. The man has God. He has all the furry animals. He has a beautiful and sumptuous garden full of delicious fruits. Nevertheless, something is “not good.” Adam is one solitary dude. He needs a companion. He needs another human with whom he can relate and do life.

So what did God do? He created woman to be “a helper fit for him.” Don’t be put off by the language of “helper.” It’s actually a term of great honor. In fact, the Bible even calls God “helper” many times (see Psalm 54:4; 118:7). The big takeaway is this: Adam needs help. He cannot do the garden work God called him to all on his own.

Far too many men today are passive about the responsibilities God has given them. They don’t see themselves as having a purpose. They just kind of drift along without any real and clear direction. That’s a tragic thing. God calls us to take initiative in working hard for the good of others. He calls us to be diligent and passionate about improving the world around us.

At the same time, God did not intend for man to go it alone. Although the concept of rugged individualism appeals to many men, it really doesn’t fit with how God wired us. Genesis 2:18 forever stands as a witness to the fact that human beings were made for relationship with one another. And chief among those human relationships is marriage. In marriage, intimacy between two souls reaches its zenith.

But note something else. God said, “I will make a helper fit for him.” That is, God fashioned the woman with the man in mind. In the words of Goldilocks, the man and woman are “just right” for each other. God specially designed the man and the woman for each other. What makes marriage so powerful is that it taps into God’s genius for how two of his image bearers bond together for life.

In the words of Jesus, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6). To a world that has embraced no-fault divorce, the Son of God says, “Don’t try to split what God has spliced.” Marriage is not like an old watch that you can discard when it stops working for us. It is more like a precious jewel that you would never even dangle over the edge of a dock. Granted, everyone comes to this text with their unique set of challenges and circumstances. Nevertheless, it remains true that marriage is by nature a binding covenant before God. He never said marriage wouldn’t take some work. He never said it would always be a cakewalk. He did say it was designed for permanence.

Tim Keller wisely said, “Wedding vows are not a declaration of present love but a mutually binding promise of future love.”[1]

When it was clear that none of Adam’s furry friends quite fit the bill, God performed the first surgery to craft the first female.

“So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.” (Genesis 2:21-22)

Why did God form the woman from one of the man’s ribs? Consider this for a moment. God could have fashioned the woman any way He saw fit. He didn’t take a portion of the man’s brain (think of the endless jokes there would have been!). He didn’t take a portion of his feet (think of the trouble this could have led to). She came from his rib — from his side. Doesn’t God’s choice to use the man’s rib indicate that the woman was intended to be neither his superior nor his inferior, but instead, his equal? Men and women are distinct, but equal in their intrinsic dignity. Both are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27).

But they are also made of the same “stuff,” the same flesh. God took from Adam’s body so that Eve’s DNA was inevitably connected to his. They are biologically related. As it turns out, men and women are not from Mars and Venus respectively. But more than merely creating a genetic link between the two, God did it this way so that they could see from the very beginning that He created them for a one-flesh union that they alone can share.

Upon first laying eyes on the feminine beauty before him, Adam impulsively broke into song.

“This is now bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called ‘woman,’
    for she was taken out of man.” (Genesis 2:23)

Okay, so maybe the lyrics aren’t your idea of romantic. Nevertheless, it set a pattern, and love songs like Pat Benatar’s “We Belong” and Bruno Mars’ “Marry You” have been a hit ever since.

Then God Himself summarizes, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame” (vv. 24-25). The “therefore” seems to be saying, “The man and woman can unite as one flesh, because woman is made from man’s flesh.” In other words, the man and woman really were made for each other. Nothing and no one should ever come between the husband and his wife, and the union they share.

This one-flesh union of marriage goes beyond sexual intimacy. It is a whole-life covenant that unites the man and woman as a permanent and unique couple who live together, eat together, sleep together, and go through all of life together. To men and women alike, marriage is a mystery. However, in Ephesians 5, Paul goes on to say it is a mystery pointing to the union of Christ and His church. If we needed one more reason to treat marriage as a weighty thing, here it is. It is a powerful, flesh-and-blood picture of the gospel. Thus, we ought to treasure marriage for the incredible gift that it is.

---

[1] Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God (New York: Dutton, 2011). If there is one book on marriage that I can encourage you to read, this is it. Pick up a copy today: https://www.amazon.com/Meaning-Marriage-Facing-Complexities-Commitment/dp/1594631875/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Tim+Keller+meaning+of+marriage&qid=1580921249&sr=8-1

Photo Credit: Ridofranz/iStock