Tag: family

Train Up a Child

On By Jason SmithIn Devotional, Theology for LifeLeave a comment

“I’m not really sure where we went wrong.” This mother wasn’t the first and won’t be the last I’ve heard say this. She was genuinely distressed over her daughter’s choices, lifestyle, and apparent disinterest in the Christian faith she had been raised in. As her mother explained, “Once she was out of the house, I rarely see her anymore.” Based on conversations like this one, I wonder if watching your own child wander away from Christ is one of the greatest agonies a Christian parent can know.

In other conversations like this, a Bible verse is often referenced. Proverbs 22:6 clearly says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

It seems so cut and dried. As long as you train up your child in the right way, that child won’t leave that path. Right? But here’s where basic Bible study tools can be so helpful.

The Book of Proverbs is a unique genre. Each proverb presents wisdom in the form of a straightforward axiom that usually describes two ways of life: the way of the wise that leads to life, and the way of the fool that leads to death. 

But while each proverb describes a general truth about the world, they are not meant to be read as foolproof, ironclad promises. Rather, they are divinely inspired true observations about life in a fallen world where God still reigns as King. Something can be generally true, but not specifically true in every individual case. Proverbs 22:6 was never meant to be read as an absolute promise or as a source of parental guilt.

It’s possible for parents to faithfully train up a son or daughter in the way they should go, and yet that child still walk away from God. We see examples of this in the history of Israel’s kings. In numerous cases, a faithful father has a godless son. And the reverse is also true.

The Family is the Pillar of Society

At the same time, there is a profound truth in Proverbs 22:6 that Christian parents do need to take to heart. The family is the pillar of society. As the family goes, so goes the nation. So, Christian parents should see the hope of this proverb. Training up your children to know and follow Jesus is essential. 

We see many passages that point to the active role of both a father and a mother in teaching their children about the fear of the Lord, what God expects of us, how we can be reconciled to Him, and how we can live out our God-given calling (Deuteronomy 6:4-9; Proverbs 12:24; 19:18; 22:15; 29:15, 17; Ephesians 6:1-4; Colossians 3:23). 

The family is the primary place of generational discipleship. Every generation has the responsibility not only to run the race of faith, but to hand off the baton to the next generation.

It is no secret that so many of the social ills our world is experiencing are traced back to the impact of fathers, in particular, walking away from their responsibility to love, lead, and be present in the home. Satan has done his best to dismantle families at every level, because the family is God’s good design for human flourishing. The first time we see the serpent in Genesis 3, he targets the first marriage by approaching Eve and undermining Adam’s role as head of the household.

Karl Marx may have called for “the abolition of the family” in his manifesto, but followers of King Jesus know better. The family is central to God’s plan of redemption. Even Jesus Himself entered this world through being born and raised in a family. As a boy, He submitted to His parents (Luke 2:51). He is the “Seed of the woman” who came to crush the serpent’s head (see Genesis 3:15). The gospel is about God the Father creating a family by adoption through faith in Jesus Christ, our elder Brother (Hebrews 2:11).

“Train Up”

The Hebrew word chanak (“train up”) carries the idea of developing an appetite. It was used in the ancient world of a midwife rubbing a date on a newborn’s palate to stimulate sucking. In a similar way, parents are called to cultivate desires in their children through both teaching the Word and living it out in front of them. 

One of the most powerful ways a parent can impact the next generation is through discussing the way a living relationship with Christ is changing them day after day. If children don’t see the Word making a difference in the lives of their parents, they won’t have an appetite for the things of God. A parent’s faithfulness is vital, but ultimately it is the sovereign work of the Spirit that changes a child’s heart so that they love God and pursue Him with all their heart. 

Discipline is clearly needed to establish boundaries and to teach children that going your own way leads to disastrous consequences. At the same time, author Josh McDowell encourages parents to pursue a real relationship with each of their kids. Rules outside of a relational context will foster rebellion.

“In the Way They Should Go”

This phrase is actually somewhat debated. Pastor Chuck Swindoll explained that this phrase in the Hebrew emphasizes the uniqueness of each child. Just as an eagle, a serpent, and a ship have their distinctive “way” (Proverbs 30:18-19), so children differ. Every child has their own “bent”: their personality, gifts, and temperament. Therefore, a parent can’t use a cookie cutter approach with each child.

In order to train up little Jimmy in the way little Jimmy should go, Jimmy’s parents need to become careful students of Jimmy and what makes him so unique. They can’t assume Jimmy needs the same exact guidance as his older brother Billy.

I should note that some read Proverbs 22:6 to mean something negative. If you don’t train up a child, you leave them to their own way. And they are likely to stay on that self-destructive path since it’s all they’ve known. There is certainly some truth to that interpretation, too. 

Either way, without giving any absolute promise about the outcome, the verse teaches that parents are going to be necessary for a child’s formation and growth. It’s not teachers, youth pastors, coaches, or curricula, but a child’s parents that have the central role of discipleship. Moms and Dads, with God’s help, you can do this!

A Prayer for Parents: Father God, we are lost and hopeless without your fatherly guidance to teach us the way of life. We need Your wisdom, truth, and grace as we seek to parent our children for their long-term good and Your glory. Do a mighty work of grace in our hearts and in our children’s hearts. Help us not be dismayed or fall for the lies of the enemy, but to faithfully embrace the calling and stewardship You have entrusted to us. It’s all by the grace of Your Son, Jesus, in Whose name we pray.

Thoughts or questions?  I’d love to hear from you!

God Invented Romance

On By Jason SmithIn Devotional, Theology for Life2 Comments

Marriage is central to the storyline of the Bible. From its earliest chapters, we see that God created the man and the woman for each other and told them to “Be fruitful and multiply.” The marital union of two becoming one flesh has been there from the beginning, and it has a special purpose in God’s world.

The story of the Bible both begins and ends with wedding imagery (Genesis 2:22-25; Revelation 21:1-5). Marriage is God’s living illustration for His covenantal union with His people, which will one day be fully realized in a restored creation when Heaven and Earth unite.

So, no matter what pops into your mind when you hear the word “marriage,” the first thing to know is that God invented it.

“Then the Lord God made a woman... and he brought her to the man.” (Genesis 2:22, NIV)

This has some important implications. If marriage is God’s idea, then that means romantic love is His idea, too.

Every Good Gift

That first spark of interest a boy has for the cute girl that sits across the classroom. The feeling you get when your song comes on the radio. The dinner by candlelight in that perfect setting. The couple that has been married for 50 years taking a walk, hand in hand. The electricity of a first kiss. The love note that a wife puts in her husband’s lunchbox. All of that is part of God’s grand design. God is a romantic. If you doubt me, I encourage you to take up and read the biblical book Song of Solomon.

You may be thinking, “Okay, Jason. It seems like you’ve got rose-tinted glasses on. Don’t forget marriage can also be pretty hard.”

True. But it’s important to begin here when we think about romance, because all that is good about marriage, romantic affection, and sexual intimacy comes first and foremost from God.

Many today bemoan God’s restrictions on sex and marriage laid out in the Bible. But what they don’t realize is that everything that makes those romantic moments in life beautiful, good, and right comes from God.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 
(James 1:17, NIV)

Without God, all the joy and excitement of romance is reduced to random neurochemical reactions. Modern progressives like to claim that monogamy is drab and boring. Don’t buy that lie! You know what really takes the magic out of romance? Imagining there is no God behind it all.

Fit for One Another

If we’re going to get marriage right, we need to go back to the beginning when God first created man and woman.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 
(Genesis 2:18, ESV)

Don’t think that this term “helper” is meant to be demeaning. This is not code for “man’s servant for cooking and cleaning.” The point here is that the man needs help. He can’t take care of God’s world without her. More than anyone else, this very word “helper” is used of God in Scripture. But the Bible says God created woman with the intention of finding the right fit for man.

In God’s design for marriage, one man and one woman complement each other perfectly. Men and women are equally valuable, but different. There is a fittedness between a man and a woman that you can’t find in any other combination.

After God parades all the animals before Adam, Adam recognizes nobody here is a good fit. Not that kangaroo. Not that horse. Definitely not that hippo! Nothing from the animal kingdom matches and complements him perfectly.

No matter how many times you’ve read this passage before, I encourage you to ponder what is said here:

So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
    because she was taken out of Man.”

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. 
(Genesis 2:21-25, ESV)

Before there was any sin in the world, this is what marriage looked like. The perfect combination of trust, vulnerability, and intimacy. This was God’s design and intention. So, no matter what you think of marriage, you can’t fault the design. You cannot improve on God’s design.

Be Intoxicated with Her Love

So, when you think of God, think of Him as the One who invented the beauty of marriage and designed our bodies with the special fit of a man for a woman. The joy of a wedding ceremony is just a slice of the great joy God has over marriage itself.

Because marriage is something God thought up, we don’t get to change it. And because it is from Him, we can know it is an intrinsically good institution.

In our bizarro world, people (especially young people) often assume that getting married will take all the romance out of the relationship. As if, committing to one another in a one-flesh covenantal union will kill the embers of love. But in God’s economy, it is in marriage that the fire of romance should finally be stoked.

May your fountain be blessed,
    and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer—
    may her breasts satisfy you always,
    may you ever be intoxicated with her love. 
(Proverbs 5:18-19, NIV)

According to the Bible, marriage is a covenant not merely between husband and wife, but one that includes God, too (Proverbs 2:17). It is God that joins the two together, and thus God blesses the marriage union. As if he was making a toast at a wedding, the author Solomon says to his son, “May you ever be intoxicated with her love.”

However—and this is important—only those who honor this covenant get to experience its greatest blessings. When people dishonor marriage, let me assure you, it will eventually come back around to bite them.

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of heeding these loving warnings from God:

“Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife?
    Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?
For your ways are in full view of the Lord,
    and he examines all your paths.
The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them;
    the cords of their sins hold them fast.
For lack of discipline they will die,
    led astray by their own great folly.” 
(Proverbs 5:20-23, NIV)

When people toy with their marriage vows, it is like taking a pile of burning wood on to your lap or walking across hot coals, hoping not to be burned (Proverbs 6:27).

People may say things like, “The Bible is an outmoded text. Marriage can be a relationship for any two people who truly love each other and are committed to one another.”

But why say only two people? And what about if those two people are already in the same family? And why say they must love each other? What if they have other reasons for getting married? And why does it matter that they are committed exclusively to one another?

As it turns out, everyone has restrictions on what they think marriage should be. Elton John jokingly drew the line at goats when someone pressed him.[1]

Honoring Your Spouse Is Honoring Marriage

Unless you get your definition of marriage from Genesis, marriage becomes this elastic thing that you can shape any way you want. And when we shake off God’s definition and trade it in for our own man-made definition, we cheapen and dishonor marriage. It is no longer the sacred thing God intended it to be.

Even secular psychologists understand marriage is worth protecting.

Marriage expert John Gottman writes, “One of the saddest reasons a marriage dies is that neither spouse recognizes its value until it is too late.”[2]

Gottman goes on to tell us all the incredible psychological and health benefits that come from taking your marriage seriously. And one of the most important ways to protect your marriage is to pursue your spouse romantically (husbands, I’m especially talking to you here).

Pay attention to her (or his) needs. Listen well. Make time for date night. Look for activities you can share together. Go out of your way to make sure your spouse feels valued simply for who she (or he) is.

You may have been told that Christians are just as likely to get divorced as non-Christians. However, that hasty conclusion was based on flawed research, because it was based on people just taking the label “Christian,” without any inquiry into whether subjects actually lived a life committed to Jesus Christ. New research done by Brad Wilcox found something very different. Wilcox discovered that committed Christian couples—which he defined as those who regularly attend worship together and read their Bibles regularly—are much less likely to get divorced.

Not only are committed Christians more likely to stay married, but they report greater satisfaction in their marriages. Wilcox concluded, “It turns out that the happiest of all wives in America are religious conservatives… Fully 73 percent of wives who hold conservative gender values and attend religious services regularly with their husbands have high-quality marriages.” Another study found that “When it comes to relationship quality in heterosexual relationships, highly religious couples enjoy higher-quality relationships and more sexual satisfaction, compared to less/mixed religious couples and secular couples.”[3]

Nancy Pearcey adds, “Churchgoing men are also less likely to cheat on their wives. Research has consistently shown that religious attendance is the most important predictor of marital stability.”

In other words, even sociological research shows that when men love Jesus, love the Bible, and take their families to church, the marriage tends to do better. And when marriages are stronger, families are stronger, children have better well-being, society flourishes, nations are stabilized, and God is honored.

So, no matter how you may feel on any given day about marriage, I encourage you to see the value of upholding the sacred beauty of the marriage covenant and of loving your spouse as the sacred image bearer he or she is.

Thoughts on this post? Feel free to comment below!

[1] In context, Elton John said, “There’s nothing wrong with going to bed with somebody of your own sex. Who cares! I just think people should be very free with sex… They should draw the line at goats.” Rolling Stone magazine ran this interview with Elton John as its cover story on October 7, 1976.

[2] John Gottman, 7 Principles for Making Your Marriage Work, 5.

[3] Brad Wilcox, Jason Carroll, and Laurie DeRose, “Religious Men Can Be Devoted Dads, Too,” New York Times, May 18, 2018; Jeffrey Dew and Brian Willoughby, “Are Religious Faith and Sexual Satisfaction Mutually Exclusive–or Surprisingly Mutual?,” Institute for Family Studies, May 16, 2019.

A Lesson in Humility from My 3-Year-Old

On By Jason SmithIn DevotionalLeave a comment

By Jason Smith

“Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you.” (James 4:10)

My family recently returned from a trip to Fresno, California, to see relatives. It can be a roughly 12-hour drive from there to Salem. However, as you can imagine, the journey is a bit delayed when you have a one-year-old (Weston) and a three-year-old (Logan) accompanying you. They actually both took a couple naps going both directions, which made things go a little smoother. But, alas, even I was asking, “Are we there yet?” by the 15th hour on the road.

After pulling into our driveway at zero dark thirty, the first thing Whitney and I noted when stepping into our house was how chilly it felt. We soon realized that our furnace was not working, and, perhaps, had not been working for close to a week. My first thought was: I can do this. I’ve fixed things like this before. I hoped this would be a quick fix, but unfortunately, I had to call it quits when I could not figure it out after an hour of fruitless effort. I had to go to work the next morning, so I decided to try my hand at fixing it that evening as soon as I got home. When nothing I tried seemed to be panning out, I turned to YouTube, the fount of DIY (Do-It-Yourself) wisdom.

Sadly, I kept bumping into one disappointment after another. Just when I thought I’d solved the problem, something else turned out to be the “real” issue. The more things I tried and failed, the more I read up on what can cause furnace malfunctions. By the end of the weekend, I felt like I knew every nook and cranny of my furnace, something I’d hardly looked at in the two and a half years we’ve lived in our home. The worst part is, despite the plethora of knowledge I had acquired on home furnaces, I still had not fixed it, and our home was beginning to feel more like an igloo.

I decided now was probably a good time to reach out for help. I called up two family members who are more mechanically inclined, one of which was my father-in-law. Rob, who my sons call “Pappy,” gladly agreed to stop by. Before he arrived, my three-year-old, Logan, came into the garage to watch me struggle for a few minutes more.

“Dad,” he said, in his sweetly matter-of-fact tone, “I think you should just stop and let Pappy fix it.”

Out of the mouths of babes. Ah, yes, it was plain to even my young son that I did not have the mechanical skillset requisite to finish the job. It is a humbling thing to ask for help and admit you do not know as much as you thought you knew.

I cannot help observing that a similar thing can happen in our approach to knowing God. How many different views on God are out there? How many different opinions on Jesus Christ are floating around in our culture alone? There is an in-built tendency for all of us to think we have things figured out, as if we intuitively know what God approves of and what our purpose in life is.

But we are mere humans. We cannot fathom the depths of God’s mind. It is a marvel that He has mercifully revealed anything to us.

The Apostle Paul exulted in God’s greatness:

“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways! ‘For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor?’ ‘Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid?’ For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen.” (Romans 11:33-36)

The only right posture in approaching a holy God of this magnitude is humble submission.

“But He gives more grace. Therefore it says, ‘God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’ Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you” (James 4:6-10).

God is eager to shower us with grace and cancel our guilt. The question we all should be asking is: Do I see my need for grace? “Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves” (Romans 12:3a, NLT). That is why God, after surveying all the wonders of the heavens, says, “All these things My hand has made, and so all these things came to be… But this is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word” (Isaiah 66:2).

Is that how you approach God’s holy and perfect Word? Do you tremble at what it means that God has spoken to you? When you turn to a passage in the Bible, do you understand that you are about to encounter the Creator of the universe? Have you seen how desperately you need to hear from Him? And have you recognized just how shallow your wisdom is apart from Him?

Take the gospel for example. No mere human could have devised a plan where God’s holy and beloved Son ends up staked to a cross in order to accomplish our redemption. That is why “Christ crucified” is “a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles” (1 Corinthians 1:23). “For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe” (v. 21).

As it turns out, we do not have everything figured out. And we don’t know as much as we think we know. Certainly, we should turn to “God-breathed” Scripture for the divine wisdom we all need (2 Timothy 3:16). But let’s resolve to approach the Bible with the posture of humility, acknowledging the infinite gap existing between our relatively puny minds and the mind of our all-knowing God. And let’s thank Him for loving us enough to speak to us.