As a pastor, I know I need regular reminders to stay faithful to the Lord, to not compromise my convictions, and to love those I lead.

We have all heard stories of politicians who chose political expediency over fulfilling promises made to their constituencies. At times, all leaders can be tempted to sacrifice convictions when it is convenient. When a leader is driven by selfish ambition rather than love for those they lead, they end up treating their fellow image bearers of God as steppingstones for career advancement. But the best leaders don’t treat people as a means to an end. Instead, they love those they lead and invest in their growth.

I often tell men at my church that all men are called to lead in some sphere, beginning first with leading themselves. Self-rule or “self-control” is a quality the Bible holds in high esteem; it’s a necessary ingredient for leading others with patience and integrity.

“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (Proverbs 16:32, ESV)

According to the Bible, leading well is not so much about dominating and ruling over others, but about ruling your own spirit so that you can lead others by example.

And the best leaders are those who first faithfully follow their Master, the Lord Jesus. Jesus chose twelve men—called “Apostles”—to be the leaders of His church after His ascension into Heaven. But before that time, He poured into these men with wise instruction and taught them that His kingdom would be marked by loving service, self-denial, and humble faith.

When no one else was willing to do the job of a servant, Jesus showed these guys what true leadership looks like. In a stunning display of humility, Jesus washed their feet. In the Apostles’ minds, this was an act fit for a household slave, not a rabbi. And certainly not a Messiah! Yet Jesus said:

“If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should just as I have done to you.” (John 13:14-15, ESV)

“As Goes the Man, So Goes the Family”

Family is the first sphere to practice this Christlike kind of servant leadership. A man leads his wife well, not by bossing her around and expecting to be served, but by sacrificing his time and energy to love her well, listening well as she shares her heart, and caring for her needs so that she will flourish (Colossians 3:19). Dads and moms lead their children by teaching them, certainly, but also by changing diapers, preparing meals, and bandaging a skinned knee.

The greatest Leader of all time said it best:

“Whoever wants to become great among you will be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you will be a slave to all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:43-45, CSB)

All men are called to lead, but they can lead best if they first submit themselves to God and His will for their lives. When men fail to lead with strength and service, everyone suffers.

Pastor Tony Evans put it well:

“As goes the man, so goes the family. As goes the family; so goes the church. As goes the church; so goes the community. As goes the community; so goes the nation. So if you want to change the nation; change the community; if you want to change the community change the church; if you want to change the church; change the family; if you want to change the family, change the man.”

A Case Study in Bad Leadership

The biblical book of 1 Kings provides us with numerous examples of leadership gone awry. One such example is the young Rehoboam. The heading for 1 Kings 12 in my Bible is “Rehoboam’s Folly,” so we know immediately things are about to go sideways for this young king. After ascending the throne in place of his now deceased father, Solomon, Rehoboam encounters a crisis early in his political career.

Another young man named Jeroboam (not to be confused with Rehoboam) acts as a union leader and leads the Israelite labor force in demanding some changes occur now that Rehoboam is king, or else they’ll go on strike.

“Your father [Solomon] made our yoke heavy. Now therefore lighten the hard service of your father and his heavy yoke on us, and we will serve you.” (1 Kings 12:4, ESV)

Rehoboam buys some time to consider his next move. So far, so good. When a leader responds impulsively during a crisis, problems can escalate. A good leader knows when to press pause and reassess the situation before making a decision. Rehoboam then meets with some of the senior members of his advisory board, the very men who helped guide his father Solomon. Again, this is a good move. Solomon himself said, “Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers” (Proverbs 11:4, NLT).

These older men had experience and wisdom that Rehoboam lacked. They knew what it took to lead people over the long haul. Here’s what we read:

“They replied, ‘Today if you will be a servant to this people and serve them, and if you respond to them by speaking kind words to them, they will be your servants forever.’” (1 Kings 12:7, CSB)

In other words, these aged advisers recommended servant leadership. “If you serve them, they will serve you. If you love them, they will love you. If you’re in touch with their needs, they will gladly follow your lead.”

Unfortunately, Rehoboam didn’t care for this advice. He was too headstrong and progressive to recognize the wisdom of their words. He wrote them off as old has-beens who were stuck in the past. He then consulted the young men he had grown up with—his childhood friends and frat buddies, who, like him, were privileged and proud.

Their advice was the exact opposite of the older men:

“This is what you should tell them: ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist! Although my father burdened you with a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke; my father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with barbed whips.’” (1 Kings 12:10-11, CSB)

In other words, “These people feel they’re being worked too hard, huh? Why don’t you tell them there’s a new sheriff in town. It’s time you showed them who’s really in charge. You’ve got to lead with an iron fist. Remind them how puny they are and how much you’ll punish their insolence!”

Rehoboam must have smiled maniacally as he heard these words, because he decided to do exactly what these foolish young men said. Today, this would be a bit like ignoring the sound and biblical wisdom of older generations in your family, church, and community, and instead turning to the latest advice from some rising star on TikTok, who is probably prone to thoughtless narcissism and overreaction.

And because he ignored the advice of the older men, Rehoboam lost the people. They now saw him as the cold-hearted tyrant that he was, unwilling and unfit to lead people well. Nearly the entire nation turned on him, and they made Jeroboam, the one viewed as “a man of the people,” their new king.

Not only that, but Scripture says, “And there was war between Rehoboam and Jeroboam continually” (1 Kings 14:30). That is a painful reminder that tyranny and violence only begets tyranny and violence.

Back in the 1800s, the wise theologian J. C. Ryle made an observation that is just as timely today:

“How common is it to see young men with big heads, high-minded, and not wanting to hear wise counsel! How often they are rude and uncourteous to all around them, thinking they are not valued and honored as they deserve! How often they will not stop to listen to a hint from an older person! They think they know everything. They are full of conceit of their own wisdom. They view elderly people, especially their relations, as stupid, and dull, and slow… And this is all pride.”[1]

Every Leader Is Accountable

There’s an important reminder included in this passage that is easy to miss. The narrator says:

“The king did not listen to the people, because this turn of events came from the Lord to carry out his word.” (1 Kings 12:15, CSB)

In other words, although Rehoboam supposed he was in charge, the reality is that all this came “from the Lord to carry out his word,” because God had already promised in the days of Solomon’s rebellion that the kingdom would be divided. All leaders need to be reminded that ultimately it is the Lord, not man, who truly rules the world. The Book of Revelation tells us that eventually there will be only one Man sitting on the throne, and His name is Jesus.

The lesson for all of us is that good leaders recognize that they are accountable to God for how they lead. Who you are influenced by matters a great deal. And if you lead with domineering and harsh cruelty, you will have to answer for that.

Rather than looking for ways to break the spirit of those we lead, as Rehoboam did, we ought to look for ways to build up others so that they can grow and flourish under the umbrella of our leadership. To lead well we must love well.

Have thoughts on this post? Feel free to comment below!

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[1] J. C. Ryle, Thoughts for Young Men, 27.