“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear.” (Proverbs 25:11, ESV)

Christians need one another. Whether we go through times of triumph or defeat, we need a brother or a sister to come alongside us and encourage us to walk the path of faithfulness.

Imagine a scenario where someone slighted you or put you down. This person made a point of saying how awful you are at your job or how lousy you are as a parent. They made cruel remarks not only about you but about your family. The targeted attack spewing from this person’s mouth seems intended to make you feel small and worthless. Perhaps it’s not so difficult to imagine this scenario. Maybe you’ve lived it!

In such a situation, how do you respond? Better said, how would God have us respond when we are shamefully mistreated and insulted?

The Future King

We find an example of this in 1 Samuel 25. This story occurs when David is not yet the king of Israel, but is instead a fugitive on the run. King Saul, jealous of David for being a better man than him in every way, has been hunting David down. Knowing many in his kingdom long for David to be on the throne – including his own son Jonathan – Saul is determined to kill David.

Twice during this season of exile, David has an opportunity to assassinate Saul. Even when his men encourage David to slay the king, David refuses, saying, “The Lord forbid that I should put out my hand against the Lord’s anointed.” (1 Samuel 26:11; cf. 24:6). David’s Christlike character never shines brighter than in these moments when he chooses to trust God and spare the man who has made his life miserable.

But situated between these two incidents is another time when David’s faithfulness is put to the test. It involves a foolish and ill-tempered man named Nabal, and his wife Abigail, “an intelligent and beautiful woman” (1 Samuel 25:3, NIV). David has something like a business partnership with the wealthy Nabal. Nabal owns many flocks, and David and his 600 soldiers have protected Nabal’s flocks and servants for some time. These were dangerous times when large flocks and their shepherds were vulnerable to raiders and wild animals. The servants even say that David’s men “were a wall around us the whole time we were herding our sheep near them” (v. 16).

It was generally understood that when soldiers provided protective services, it is only right that they be well fed by the owner of the herds. Nabal is about to throw a big feast, so David sends a warm and friendly message to him, asking whether he and his men can join. You could call it a polite request for a fair business transaction.

The Wealthy Fool

But Nabal’s response is crude and thoughtless. He basically says, “David who? Never heard of him. He sounds like one of those runaway slaves who tries to take advantage of respectable individuals like myself.”

This was a pretty low blow. David was well-known everywhere in Israel. He had gained renown for defeating the Philistine giant Goliath. Not only was Nabal not practicing fair exchange, but he was slapping David across the face, telling him to go beg somewhere else. Nabal was living up to his name, which meant “fool.”

Nabal’s reckless words were especially foolish in this ancient honor-shame society. Those who were shamed by others were expected to protect their own name by taking vengeance on the wrongdoer.

David’s response is quick and decisive. He tells 400 of his men: “Strap on your swords!” (v. 13). Nobody insults David and gets away with it. It’s payback time!

The Wise Woman

It’s at this time that Abigail, Nabal’s wife, learns what her idiotic husband has done and that David plans to destroy every man in his household. She wastes no time in putting together a peace offering and running out to meet the enraged David. Abigail humbly falls at David’s feet and pleads with him to reconsider.

Noting that what her husband did is both foolish and hateful, Abigail says, “Please forgive the trespass of your servant” (v. 28). Then, with astonishing wisdom, she reminds David of Yahweh’s tender care for him and that God will one day set him on Israel’s throne, establishing a lasting dynasty.[1] It’s crucial that Abigail does this. When we forget about God’s deep love for us, it can be far easier to be reactionary and impulsive. Abigail then says, “It’s not just for my husband that I’m pleading, David, but for you. I don’t want you to have his blood on your conscience.”

Abigail’s counsel is a word fitly spoken. She appeals to God’s justice and love. And because Abigail speaks with respect and kindness, David is cut to the heart. She is a “wise reprover,” and he has “a listening ear” (Proverbs 25:11).[2]

David recognizes that really it is God who sent her to speak these words to him. He will not take vengeance into his own hands. Because of Abigail’s wise words, David chose to trust the Lord to be his defender instead of responding in a fit of anger. Rather than piling sin upon sin, Abigail guided David to live out what we read in Romans 12:

“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord’… Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:19, 21, ESV)

David let God be his defender. In fact, we read that only ten days later God struck down Nabal, and David later married the widowed Abigail (1 Samuel 25:38). That doesn’t mean we pray for God to smite all those who mistreat us, but we do show trust in God by letting Him deal with our enemies.

The Essential Church

In our age of rage and social media, people are encouraged to slap back when they are slapped across the face. We think it is up to us to right every wrong and defend ourselves against every offense. In many ways, we are still a shame-honor culture. In a world that urges you to protect your own honor, God’s Word says:

“Good sense makes one slow to anger,
    and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” (Proverbs 19:11, ESV)

How often are you willing to listen to an Abigail when you are hurt or upset? The two biggest reasons Christians make foolish decisions is that they don’t listen to God’s Word and they don’t listen to the wise counsel of other believers. Certainly, we must seek the Lord’s leading through prayer, but we must take care not to use “I’ll pray about that” as a reason to exclude the guidance of others.

The church is an incredible gift we must never take for granted. When we make decisions in isolation or reject the advice of others, we are walking down the path of foolishness – sometimes even running down that path!

Christ called the church His body, because we are both united to Him and mutually interdependent on one another, just as the eye needs the ear and the hand needs the foot.[3] The Holy Spirit unites believers to one another so that they can share divine wisdom and encourage one another to follow Christ faithfully. We cannot forsake the fellowship of other believers.

When we respond in fleshly haste, we put ourselves in danger, sometimes both spiritually and physically. We need to seek the wisdom of others in the church, because a word fitly spoken might just spare us from the pangs of conscience later.

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[1] The Lord Himself promises David that he will have a son reign on his throne forever (2 Samuel 7:12-16), a promise fulfilled by King Jesus in His present and future kingdom (Isaiah 11:1-10).

[2] It’s ironic that many skeptics claim the Bible is denigrating to women when you have many stories like this one, where the woman is clearly the voice of reason and godly wisdom. For other examples, see: Genesis 38:25-26; Judges 4:4-10; Ruth 2:20-22; 1 Samuel 1:12-17; Esther 7:1-7; Luke 24:9-12; John 12:3-8; Acts 18:26.

[3] See 1 Corinthians 12:12-26.