I love being a dad. Hardly anything in life gives me more joy than spending time with my kids, whether it be wrestling with them, playing games, cracking jokes, playing catch, or talking about life and God. Every parent has been given a divinely ordained responsibility to train up a child in the way he or she should go (Proverbs 22:6). That’s not always an easy assignment in a culture that is steeped in messages that contradict God’s good wisdom for life.
Perhaps nowhere is this need for godly wisdom more profoundly felt than in the realm of sexuality. Here’s the simple truth: as a parent, it is my responsibility to train my children to think about sex through the lens of biblical wisdom. Our children need to learn from us, at an age-appropriate level, that sex is a beautiful gift from God, purposefully designed for the marriage covenant alone. We shouldn’t imply that sex is gross or that all sexual desire is sinful. God created them as sexual creatures, and they are fearfully and wonderfully formed according to His design. Let’s remember that if our children don’t learn about it from us, they will still learn about it–only they will likely end up with a distorted picture of sexuality from the world.
Here’s the awesome thing about the Bible: God gave it to us, knowing exactly what we need to hear. So, even if we would rather avoid the subject of sex, God often brings it up. God knows we need wisdom; that’s why He gave us the book of Proverbs. I have come to appreciate this book on a whole new level since becoming a dad, because Proverbs is packed with practical wisdom on parenting.
Solomon even wrote much of Proverbs as a father speaking to his son.
“My son, pay attention to my wisdom;
listen closely to my understanding.” (Proverbs 5:1, CSB)
This is a model for every Christian parent. You cannot leave training your children in godliness to someone else. And dads, God especially calls you to be spiritual leaders in your home (Ephesians 6:4). Your kids need to hear the gospel from you. You need to teach them the wisdom found in Scripture. Many dread the idea of having “the talk” with their kids because it sounds so awkward. Perhaps that’s because all the pressure is put on having a single talk. But as you pursue a relationship with your children as they enter puberty, you should initiate ongoing talks about sex, love, and relationships.
It bears repeating: if they don’t learn sexual wisdom from you, they will get their ideas from a spiritually unmoored culture. Passages like Proverbs 5 are in the Bible because God does not want us to avoid the subject. He has something to say to us about sex.
“Though the lips of the forbidden woman drip honey and her words are smoother than oil, in the end she’s as bitter as wormwood and as sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps head straight for Sheol.” (Proverbs 5:3-5, CSB)
Solomon uses a vivid metaphor for sexual sin (sex outside the marriage covenant). He says, “It’s like honey on the lips of a forbidden woman.” Honey tastes sweet in the moment. But “in the end she’s as bitter as wormwood.” In other words, what looks like and tastes like honey is actually poison. In the end, it will cut you like a sharp sword and take you straight to Sheol, the place of the dead!
The context here is a warning about a forbidden woman, because it’s Solomon speaking to his son. But it could just as easily be turned around. For every daughter of the King, the warning is about the forbidden man. Ungodly men can be seductive, too, by telling a girl what she wants to hear.
“Keep your way far from her. Don’t go near the door of her house.” (Proverbs 5:8, CSB)
The Bible is consistent about how to avoid sexual sin. Run. When you encounter sexual temptation, don’t stay put. Don’t loiter. Don’t keep staring at the screen. Don’t stay in that bedroom. Get on your horse and ride. Stay as far away as possible because your life depends on it. Paul tells young Timothy, “Feel youthful lusts” (2 Timothy 2:22). Don’t play games with sexual sin. The moment you smell sexual temptation, run away.
Practically speaking, it would be good for dads to have frank conversations with their sons and moms to talk candidly with their daughters about the corrupting effect of sexual sin. It would be helpful to even read Proverbs 5-7 together, asking questions like, “Why do you think Solomon warns his son about sexual sin?” or “Why did he use that metaphor?”
Just as Solomon warns his son, God our Father lovingly warns each of us–no matter what our age–to flee from sexual sin, not play with fire. God’s rules on sex are for our good, and our children need to understand that.
What did godly Joseph do when Potiphar’s wife kept urging him to go to bed with her? Did he wait around and say, “Well, let’s see how much sexual temptation I can withstand”? No, he bolted in such a rush that when Mrs. Potiphar yanked on his robe, he didn’t go back for it. Joseph’s story in Genesis 39 is another great passage to read together with your adolescent children, especially since it frames the discussion around an engaging story.
Regularly talk to your children about how, as followers of the risen Jesus, we have a distinct perspective on sex: Sex is God’s good gift intended only for one man and one woman in the marriage covenant. The three main purposes for sex are procreation, unity, and pleasure in the marriage relationship.
I have talked with many young men who never had conversations with their dad about sex, including those who grew up in a Christian home. And quite often, they have trouble seeing why things like premarital sex and cohabitation are harmful. But time and again, I have seen the devastating consequences of not taking sexual sin seriously.
I am so thankful for all the older, godlier men in my life, including my dad, who urged me when I was a teenager to fight for sexual purity at all costs. They warned me about the grave dangers Solomon is talking about.
Solomon says sexual sin will claim your health. This could be talking about STDs. It will claim your time. How much time has been wasted on sexual sin that should have been used for the kingdom of God? It will drain your resources (Proverbs 5:10). In other words, it will drain you dry and waste your hard-earned wages. It could lead to pregnancy, and abortion rates are much higher among unmarried mothers than those married. Sexual sin leaves a wake of heartache, infidelity, and divorce. Failing to take sexual sin seriously will fill you with regret at the end of your life.
At the end of your life, you will lament when your physical body has been consumed, and you will say, “How I hated discipline, and how my heart despised correction. I didn’t obey my teachers or listen closely to my instructors. I am on the verge of complete ruin
before the entire community.” (Proverbs 5:11-14, CSB)
It’s hard to imagine a more disturbing image. Coming to the end of your life drowning with regret. Once again, we need to see that Solomon is warning his son in love: “Don’t be the sexual fool!”
For those who have engaged in sexual sin, you need to know there is grace, cleansing, and forgiveness found at the Cross of Jesus Christ. Praise God! But often, the consequences of our sin still remain in this life. This is why our children need to hear the truth about sex from their parents first.
Have thoughts on this post? I’d love to hear from you!
Lamp and Light 