Tag: sex

God Invented Romance

On By Jason SmithIn Devotional, Theology for Life2 Comments

Marriage is central to the storyline of the Bible. From its earliest chapters, we see that God created the man and the woman for each other and told them to “Be fruitful and multiply.” The marital union of two becoming one flesh has been there from the beginning, and it has a special purpose in God’s world.

The story of the Bible both begins and ends with wedding imagery (Genesis 2:22-25; Revelation 21:1-5). Marriage is God’s living illustration for His covenantal union with His people, which will one day be fully realized in a restored creation when Heaven and Earth unite.

So, no matter what pops into your mind when you hear the word “marriage,” the first thing to know is that God invented it.

“Then the Lord God made a woman... and he brought her to the man.” (Genesis 2:22, NIV)

This has some important implications. If marriage is God’s idea, then that means romantic love is His idea, too.

Every Good Gift

That first spark of interest a boy has for the cute girl that sits across the classroom. The feeling you get when your song comes on the radio. The dinner by candlelight in that perfect setting. The couple that has been married for 50 years taking a walk, hand in hand. The electricity of a first kiss. The love note that a wife puts in her husband’s lunchbox. All of that is part of God’s grand design. God is a romantic. If you doubt me, I encourage you to take up and read the biblical book Song of Solomon.

You may be thinking, “Okay, Jason. It seems like you’ve got rose-tinted glasses on. Don’t forget marriage can also be pretty hard.”

True. But it’s important to begin here when we think about romance, because all that is good about marriage, romantic affection, and sexual intimacy comes first and foremost from God.

Many today bemoan God’s restrictions on sex and marriage laid out in the Bible. But what they don’t realize is that everything that makes those romantic moments in life beautiful, good, and right comes from God.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 
(James 1:17, NIV)

Without God, all the joy and excitement of romance is reduced to random neurochemical reactions. Modern progressives like to claim that monogamy is drab and boring. Don’t buy that lie! You know what really takes the magic out of romance? Imagining there is no God behind it all.

Fit for One Another

If we’re going to get marriage right, we need to go back to the beginning when God first created man and woman.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” 
(Genesis 2:18, ESV)

Don’t think that this term “helper” is meant to be demeaning. This is not code for “man’s servant for cooking and cleaning.” The point here is that the man needs help. He can’t take care of God’s world without her. More than anyone else, this very word “helper” is used of God in Scripture. But the Bible says God created woman with the intention of finding the right fit for man.

In God’s design for marriage, one man and one woman complement each other perfectly. Men and women are equally valuable, but different. There is a fittedness between a man and a woman that you can’t find in any other combination.

After God parades all the animals before Adam, Adam recognizes nobody here is a good fit. Not that kangaroo. Not that horse. Definitely not that hippo! Nothing from the animal kingdom matches and complements him perfectly.

No matter how many times you’ve read this passage before, I encourage you to ponder what is said here:

So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

Then the man said,
“This at last is bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
    because she was taken out of Man.”

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. 
(Genesis 2:21-25, ESV)

Before there was any sin in the world, this is what marriage looked like. The perfect combination of trust, vulnerability, and intimacy. This was God’s design and intention. So, no matter what you think of marriage, you can’t fault the design. You cannot improve on God’s design.

Be Intoxicated with Her Love

So, when you think of God, think of Him as the One who invented the beauty of marriage and designed our bodies with the special fit of a man for a woman. The joy of a wedding ceremony is just a slice of the great joy God has over marriage itself.

Because marriage is something God thought up, we don’t get to change it. And because it is from Him, we can know it is an intrinsically good institution.

In our bizarro world, people (especially young people) often assume that getting married will take all the romance out of the relationship. As if, committing to one another in a one-flesh covenantal union will kill the embers of love. But in God’s economy, it is in marriage that the fire of romance should finally be stoked.

May your fountain be blessed,
    and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
A loving doe, a graceful deer—
    may her breasts satisfy you always,
    may you ever be intoxicated with her love. 
(Proverbs 5:18-19, NIV)

According to the Bible, marriage is a covenant not merely between husband and wife, but one that includes God, too (Proverbs 2:17). It is God that joins the two together, and thus God blesses the marriage union. As if he was making a toast at a wedding, the author Solomon says to his son, “May you ever be intoxicated with her love.”

However—and this is important—only those who honor this covenant get to experience its greatest blessings. When people dishonor marriage, let me assure you, it will eventually come back around to bite them.

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of heeding these loving warnings from God:

“Why, my son, be intoxicated with another man’s wife?
    Why embrace the bosom of a wayward woman?
For your ways are in full view of the Lord,
    and he examines all your paths.
The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them;
    the cords of their sins hold them fast.
For lack of discipline they will die,
    led astray by their own great folly.” 
(Proverbs 5:20-23, NIV)

When people toy with their marriage vows, it is like taking a pile of burning wood on to your lap or walking across hot coals, hoping not to be burned (Proverbs 6:27).

People may say things like, “The Bible is an outmoded text. Marriage can be a relationship for any two people who truly love each other and are committed to one another.”

But why say only two people? And what about if those two people are already in the same family? And why say they must love each other? What if they have other reasons for getting married? And why does it matter that they are committed exclusively to one another?

As it turns out, everyone has restrictions on what they think marriage should be. Elton John jokingly drew the line at goats when someone pressed him.[1]

Honoring Your Spouse Is Honoring Marriage

Unless you get your definition of marriage from Genesis, marriage becomes this elastic thing that you can shape any way you want. And when we shake off God’s definition and trade it in for our own man-made definition, we cheapen and dishonor marriage. It is no longer the sacred thing God intended it to be.

Even secular psychologists understand marriage is worth protecting.

Marriage expert John Gottman writes, “One of the saddest reasons a marriage dies is that neither spouse recognizes its value until it is too late.”[2]

Gottman goes on to tell us all the incredible psychological and health benefits that come from taking your marriage seriously. And one of the most important ways to protect your marriage is to pursue your spouse romantically (husbands, I’m especially talking to you here).

Pay attention to her (or his) needs. Listen well. Make time for date night. Look for activities you can share together. Go out of your way to make sure your spouse feels valued simply for who she (or he) is.

You may have been told that Christians are just as likely to get divorced as non-Christians. However, that hasty conclusion was based on flawed research, because it was based on people just taking the label “Christian,” without any inquiry into whether subjects actually lived a life committed to Jesus Christ. New research done by Brad Wilcox found something very different. Wilcox discovered that committed Christian couples—which he defined as those who regularly attend worship together and read their Bibles regularly—are much less likely to get divorced.

Not only are committed Christians more likely to stay married, but they report greater satisfaction in their marriages. Wilcox concluded, “It turns out that the happiest of all wives in America are religious conservatives… Fully 73 percent of wives who hold conservative gender values and attend religious services regularly with their husbands have high-quality marriages.” Another study found that “When it comes to relationship quality in heterosexual relationships, highly religious couples enjoy higher-quality relationships and more sexual satisfaction, compared to less/mixed religious couples and secular couples.”[3]

Nancy Pearcey adds, “Churchgoing men are also less likely to cheat on their wives. Research has consistently shown that religious attendance is the most important predictor of marital stability.”

In other words, even sociological research shows that when men love Jesus, love the Bible, and take their families to church, the marriage tends to do better. And when marriages are stronger, families are stronger, children have better well-being, society flourishes, nations are stabilized, and God is honored.

So, no matter how you may feel on any given day about marriage, I encourage you to see the value of upholding the sacred beauty of the marriage covenant and of loving your spouse as the sacred image bearer he or she is.

Thoughts on this post? Feel free to comment below!

[1] In context, Elton John said, “There’s nothing wrong with going to bed with somebody of your own sex. Who cares! I just think people should be very free with sex… They should draw the line at goats.” Rolling Stone magazine ran this interview with Elton John as its cover story on October 7, 1976.

[2] John Gottman, 7 Principles for Making Your Marriage Work, 5.

[3] Brad Wilcox, Jason Carroll, and Laurie DeRose, “Religious Men Can Be Devoted Dads, Too,” New York Times, May 18, 2018; Jeffrey Dew and Brian Willoughby, “Are Religious Faith and Sexual Satisfaction Mutually Exclusive–or Surprisingly Mutual?,” Institute for Family Studies, May 16, 2019.

Men of Consequence

On By Jason SmithIn Devotional, Theology for Life1 Comment 
“You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” (Psalm 139:16, NLT)

Every man has a hunger for purpose. I’ve heard one man put it this way: “All men long to be men of consequence.” There is something deep within the soul of a man that longs to make a powerful impact on this world. This drive to make a difference is good, right, and God-given. However, there is a subtle and dangerous tendency for this desire to become misguided and destructive when it’s not properly channeled by the Spirit of God and the Word of God.

Men Long to Make a Lasting Impact

Paul reminds his young protégé Timothy—whom he calls “man of God”—to satisfy this purpose hunger in the will of God. Rather than simply telling Timoty to passively avoid sin, he charges Timothy with action-oriented commands like “Pursue righteousness,” “Fight the good fight of the faith,” and “Take hold of eternal life” (1 Timothy 6:11-12). In other words, if this desire to make a difference is corrupted by selfishness and a bloated ego, it will backfire and cause more harm than good. But if this hunger for significance is directed by God’s power and purposes for a man laid out in Scripture, he can make a powerful impact not only in this life but in the life to come.

Many Hollywood films speak to this hunger in a man’s soul. In the movie Gladiator, the great general Maximus, played by Russell Crowe, rallies his troops for battle with these words:

“Hold the line! Stay with me! If you find yourself alone, riding in green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled. For you are in Elysium [Heaven], and you’re already dead! Brothers, what we do in life echoes in eternity.”

When I first saw Gladiator, I found that line compelling: “What we do in life echoes in eternity.”

Many passages in Scripture speak to this same desire to make a lasting impact.

“Stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” (1 Corinthians 15:58, NIV)
“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9, ESV)
“To those who by perseverance in doing good seek glory, honor, and immortality, He will give eternal life.” (Romans 2:7, CSB)

Men Are Created as the Image and Glory of God

Many men today have been counted unworthy by our worldly and godless culture not for anything they have done but simply for being men. They are told that their desire to be strong and masculine is “problematic” and “toxic.” Rather than seeing the goodness of strong and courageous men, our world tends to blame them for so many ills of society. Granted, many men have displayed toxic behavior. They have lived according to their lusts for power and pleasure. And whenever men pursue power and pleasure as ends in themselves, this results in devastating consequences for others, particularly the women they should have been cherishing and protecting. Men who have used their strength either to assault or take advantage of women should rightly be charged and prosecuted.

However, in an effort to expose and dismantle this toxic version of masculinity, many have attempted to stigmatize masculinity altogether. To take just one example, when movie director James Cameron discussed his previous films with The Hollywood Reporter, he admitted he now thought testosterone was downright dangerous because it made men wild and untamed risk-takers. Discussing his previous films, including the Terminator series, Cameron said:

“A lot of things I did earlier, I wouldn’t do—career-wise and just risks that you take as a wild, testosterone-poisoned young man. I always think of [testosterone] as a toxin that you have to slowly work out of your system.”[1]

From the biblical perspective, such a quest to emasculate manhood and reengineer men into some kind of androgynous being is both foolish and harmful. God created men as men. He created mankind as “male and female” on purpose from the beginning, not as an evolutionary afterthought (Genesis 1:27).

He calls men to “act like men” (1 Corinthians 16:13). In doing so, God was not calling men to be self-centered pigs who are enslaved to their lusts. This seems to be how many influential voices in the culture view masculinity. But if God viewed masculinity as inherently toxic, He wouldn’t have charged men to act like men or called men “the image and glory of God” (1 Corinthians 11:7).

Men Need to Be Redeemed by Jesus Christ

The real problem is that our mainstream culture does not have a doctrine of original sin. Masculinity is labeled inherently “toxic” because of the sinful proclivities of men. But the Bible teaches us to view the world through the lens of the story of creation-fall-redemption-restoration. A man’s masculine nature is part of God’s good design at creation.[2] Men became sinners through the fall, and that is why we see men using their strength for evil.[3] But Jesus Christ, the God-man, came to redeem sinners, among whom are men and women.[4] Today, Jesus calls men to embrace their God-given nature as He restores them in His likeness.[5] Redeemed men must boldly stand for Christ in a lost and dying world that has forgotten the great value of men.

If you don’t understand that the problem is what sin has done to men, then you will identify the problem as men themselves, a foolish and ultimately demonic conclusion.

Having been told that their desire to be aggressive, courageous, and heroic is either stupid or troublesome, many young men resort to living out their dreams in the virtual world of video games while snacking on Cheetos in their mom’s basement. Men, if that’s been your reality, my goal isn’t to shame you but to assure you that God calls you to something far greater.

Men Are Called to Be Strong and Courageous

God wants men to live with intentionality and purpose. He wants us to have a God-centered perspective on life, seeing things in the big picture.

There are real evils in this world, and men are called to be at the frontline to stop evil with courage and conviction. When a man has bowed the knee to Jesus and is filled with the Spirit of power, he can rule over his own ungodly desires and stand for truth in a culture that has been massively deceived.

If you are a man, know this: Your desire to make a difference—to be a man of consequence—is good and right. Jesus values you. And as the ultimate Man, Jesus models for you perfectly what true masculinity looks like when we submit ourselves to God the Father and are filled with the Holy Spirit.

The church of Jesus Christ is to be a place where men are welcomed, called to be fully alive, and not shamed for who God made them to be. The world may try to shame masculine men as “toxic,” encourage men to be weak and passive, and may even call testosterone a “toxin,” but God says to men:

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9, NIV)

Have thoughts on this post? Feel free to comment below!

Photo courtesy of David Liff.

[1] https://www.timesnownews.com/entertainment-news/avatar-director-james-cameron-says-testosterone-is-toxic-masculine-twitter-calls-him-beta-male-article-96001279  Accessed on October 10, 2023.

[2] Genesis 1:27, 31

[3] Ecclesiastes 7:29

[4] 1 Timothy 1:15

[5] Ephesians 4:22-24