Uh-oh. There’s that feeling again. It’s like a deep tremor welling up inside. A volcano with growing subterranean pressure. We all know what it’s like to experience the heat of anger. At times, it’s directed at a situation, but more often anger is directed at a person, usually someone you know well. At other times, you are on the receiving end—the volcano is erupting on you!

Anger can wreck friendships and send marriages spiraling into a tailspin. At its worst, it can lead to abuse and tragedy. If left unchecked, anger can be the most destructive human emotion. The Bible gives clear warnings about anger:

“Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.” (Psalm 37:8, NIV)

Nearly everywhere you look, you can find areas where anger is harming our society. Just consider the problem of road rage. According to a recent study, “More than 1,000 people in the U.S. die each year in road rage incidents.”[1] In their book Anger Kills, authors Redford and Virginia Williams found that those who are prone to angry outbursts are more likely to have coronary heart disease.[2] No wonder the Bible says, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense” (Proverbs 19:11, ESV).

So how do we rightly deal with this volatile emotion?

Admit You Are Angry

If we are going to make any progress in dealing with our anger, we have to be willing to first admit when we are angry. People like to say, “I gave her a piece of my mind” or “I guess I lost my cool there.” But what they really mean is “I was angry.” Maybe you’ve heard the remark: “I don’t get mad, but I do get even.”

Most often, we Christians struggle to admit we are angry because we have been taught that anger is a sin. And certainly, there are more than a few warnings about anger in the Bible. “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression” (Proverbs 29:22, BSB). But I would argue that passages like this speak of misdirected and uncontrolled anger. The Bible says, “In your anger, do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26, NIV).

Anger is not a monochrome emotion that we can so easily file away in the “sin” category. As David Powlison said, anger “is a complex human response to a complex world.”[3] After all, God expresses anger at sin.[4] Throughout Scripture, we read of God’s wrath or righteous indignation in response to injustice, idolatry, and sinful distortions of His good design for humanity.

Jesus Christ, known for His meekness and gentleness, expressed anger many times in the Gospels too – usually in response to self-righteous hypocrisy.[5]

On one occasion, the religious elite demonstrated more concern for catching Jesus in their legalistic trap than for the plight of a man with a withered hand. Their cold-hearted callousness toward real suffering made Jesus hot with righteous anger. He “looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart” (Mark 3:5, ESV).

Anger is the natural human response to evil and injustice. It is the heart crying out, This is wrong. So we should not be reticent to admit when we feel angry. Owning our anger will allow us to rightly deal with it.

Restrain Your Immediate Response

While anger can be the natural human response to wrongdoing, that doesn’t mean it’s always expressed in a good way. In fact, because of our sin nature, our tendency is to express anger in an ungodly or self-centered way, rather than in a godly way like Jesus. The Book of James reminds us about the importance of hitting the brakes to “slow down” when we feel that first surge of anger.

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19-20, ESV)

Consider this scenario. A teenager “borrows” his dad’s Ford Mustang without asking in order to impress a girl and brings it back with an ugly scrape across the door. When his father discovers what happened, what’s his initial response? He’s angry. Very likely, this man will want to fly into a rage, lashing out at his son for his reckless and irresponsible behavior. What his son did was wrong. So to feel anger is only natural, but James would warn this man to hit the brakes. Because a knee-jerk response in anger is almost always destructive.

“People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness.” (Proverbs 14:29, NLT)

You may be thinking, Sure, controlling my anger is a great idea. Easier said than done. It’s true that stopping yourself in the moment might not be easy. Ultimately, patience, gentleness, and self-control are produced by the Holy Spirit, not something we can achieve through mere human effort.

However, with God’s help we can learn to respond in the moment in a way that honors Him. Practically speaking, this might mean stepping away temporarily when you start to feel your blood boil. Marriage expert Gary Chapman recommends a husband and wife learn to “call timeout” when emotions begin to surge.[6] This means giving each other space for a brief time, so that both can come back to discuss the matter calmly without having said or done something they regret. Sometimes a walk around the block is enough time to cool the temperatures so that feelings aren’t hurt and a peaceful compromise is reached.

Identify the Cause of Your Anger

We’ve all heard stories of school shootings or homicides that didn’t seem to add up. People say things like “He seemed like such a nice guy” and “I never saw it coming.” No doubt this is in large part because people are good at wearing “nice” on the outside even while unaddressed anger is quietly brewing inside.

While such examples may sound extreme, they simply demonstrate what can happen when anger is not confronted. I’ve talked to several people who have admitted that mistreatment, neglect, or a lack of love in their home growing up planted deep seeds of anger. The long-term effect may even be ignored or downplayed for a time. But because the hurt is still there, they are sometimes shocked by their own angry and emotional outbursts.

For others, it is the deep wounds of a past relationship that planted those seeds of anger. They know it’s there, but they can’t help grieving over the pain of the past. And sometimes that grief mingles into bitterness and hatred.

Neil T. Anderson, who has helped countless people deal with deep-seated anger, said, “Whenever we are asked to help someone who has a root of bitterness, the source of the problem has always been unforgiveness.”[7]

It’s no surprise that right after Paul tells the Ephesians, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger,” he says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32, NIV).

The reality is that we all experience anger. I am certainly not exempt from this emotion. We may say, “I’m just strong-willed,” but that might mean we have a fear of being proven wrong. Or we may say, “I just care deeply about the truth,” but oftentimes there’s some insecurity just below the surface.

We are all broken people. But God is in the business of putting broken people back together. By His Spirit and His grace, we can find fresh joy in the Lord. We can experience the peace that He alone gives. But if we don’t deal with the roots of our anger, anger will continue to get the better of us.

Through the Spirit, Paul told the Ephesians, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27, ESV). In other words, anger is not always sinful. However, it does no good to dwell on your anger. Or, better said, to let anger dwell in you.

Surrender Your Anger to God

Once we have admitted we feel angry, the first and most important thing to do is surrender it to God. Put that rage, animosity, and ill-feelings toward someone else in God’s hands. It’s a burden He can handle, and He wants to take it off your shoulders.

Again, we often have good reasons for feeling angry. That’s not what is sinful. But harboring and nursing anger leads to a warfare mindset rather than a peace-making mindset. And what we really want is to see the wrongs made right. So who better to entrust your anger to than the God of righteousness and justice?

Remember, God cares more about the wrongs done against you than you do.

“The LORD is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does.” (Psalm 145:17, NIV)

The Lord is more passionate about justice than you or me. So let’s put our case in His hands. He will do what is right, but with perfect authority and timing.

That’s what Jesus did. “When He was reviled, He did not revile in return” (1 Peter 2:23, ESV). When He was mocked, beaten, and mistreated in the most appalling and shameful ways imaginable, Jesus “continued entrusting Himself to Him who judges justly” (1 Peter 2:23, ESV).

Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss, but Jesus called him His “friend.”[8] His own disciples scattered when Jesus was arrested and killed. But after His resurrection, the Lord graciously approached those same guys who had abandoned Him. He even embraced the one who had previously denied ever knowing Him.

Jesus had every right to be furious for the way He, the spotless Lamb, was being treated, but He surrendered all His righteous anger to His Father in Heaven. And ultimately that’s what you and I are called to do in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Have thoughts on this post? Feel free to comment below!

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[1] “Boiling Point” presented at the Mental Health Action Week, 2008, Mental Health Organization.

[2] Redford and Virginia Williams, Anger Kills.

[3] David Powlison, Good and Angry: Redeeming Anger, Irritation, Complaining, and Bitterness, Kindle edition.

[4] Psalm 7:11.

[5] For example, see Matthew 23.

[6] Gary Chapman, Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way.

[7] Neil T. Anderson and Rich Miller, Managing Your Anger, 152.

[8] Matthew 27:50.