You cannot change the past. This is a hard truth for many who can still feel the sting from past blunders, embarrassments, and betrayals. But though we cannot undo what has been done, we can begin again. That’s the great hope of Christianity. And when we begin again, we no longer have to be controlled by our past. Through the gospel of Jesus Christ, we can break free from regret, guilt, and resentment.

Many people say things like, “I’m trying to reinvent myself.” They are tired of being criticized or scrutinized, marked by the decisions they once made. Like a tattoo that can’t be removed, many feel like their past has left a mark that can never be erased. They wonder, “Is this how I will always be seen?” Or even, “Will I always see myself as a reflection of my past?”

Maybe there are times you’ve wished you could relive certain moments in your life. You’ve thought, If only I had handled that differently.  If only I hadn’t spoken so foolishly. If only I had shown more courage or humility in that moment.

If only… How many have this phrase etched across their hearts?

In his 2022 memoir, Matthew Perry, who played the witty Chandler Bing in the hit series Friends, had his own regrets to share. Throughout his career, Perry slept with many women, desperately wanting to be loved but never being willing to commit. He writes of the “if only” moment when he almost proposed to the love of his life but changed his mind at the last second, afraid she would eventually reject him.

“I had missed the moment. Maybe she’d been expecting it, who knows. I’d been seconds away; seconds, and a lifetime. I often think if I’d asked, now we’d have two kids and a house… Instead, I’m some schmuck who’s alone in his house at fifty-three, looking down at an unquiet ocean.”[1]

You might not be a celebrity, but maybe you can relate to Perry’s deep sense of regret. You wonder what life would entail had you popped the question, applied for the job, or taken the leap of faith. But the past remains where it always is. We cannot jump into our DeLorean, fire up the flux capacitor, and travel back through time.

Moving Forward

Some of us have committed greater sins than others. Some of us have been sinned against greatly. In some sense, we all have baggage. But it’s so important to know that you are not alone in your pain. It may seem like you are the only one going through the deep anguish of regret, but let me assure you that you’re not. God is ready to help you like a devoted shepherd with an injured lamb. The Lord is a healer; He can reach the deepest parts of our soul. When we open ourselves to Him honestly and confess the pain of the past, we can know His cleansing power as never before.[2]

While it’s important to get honest about what has happened, Scripture also urges us not to dwell on the past. You can visit old memories to make peace and learn from them, but it’s not a place to stay. The only way to move on is to move forward.

The Apostle Paul had his own share of regrets. We may know him today as Saint Paul, but his past was stained with blood as a persecutor of the church. And yet he wrote:

“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13b-14, NIV)

Paul understood that in order to move forward, you have to have a goal, something to reach for and cling to. Despite his regrets and checkered past, Paul chose to dwell on his Savior “who loved me and gave Himself up for me” (Galatians 2:20).

Have you discovered the new beginning you can have in Christ? Do you know the ocean of love God has for you in Christ? Saying “God loves you” is not just a quaint cliché we like to say to gin up good feelings. It is an objective fact we can know because Jesus was sacrificed on a Roman cross outside Jerusalem nearly 2,000 years ago.

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8, NASB)

The cross proves God’s love for us, because all our regrets and shameful failures were piled up on Christ when He “bore our sins in His own body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness” (1 Peter 2:24).

No More Condemnation

Through faith in Christ, we are no longer condemned enemies of God, but justified children of God.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)

It’s so important that we come back to this truth over and over. No condemnation in Christ. That needs to be the chorus playing on repeat that never gets old and always quiets our hearts. We never outgrow our need to hear it. In Christ, you are not condemned.

Whatever our mind focuses on shapes our identity. When we feast on the truth, we can embrace this new identity with every sunrise. Trusting in Christ and what He did on the cross for the forgiveness of sins is where it all begins. Unfortunately, there are many so-called Christian authors that are actually proclaiming a gospel of self-love, that the way to move forward is to fall more in love with yourself rather than to embrace God’s love and forgiveness for you in Christ.[3]

Knowing that our guilt was really and truly taken away at the cross is what truly changes everything. And it’s the truth we must continually apply to our hearts, which so often want to condemn us (1 John 3:20).

But what about this terrible thing I’ve done? There’s no condemnation in Christ.

But I can’t seem to move past what’s happened. There’s no condemnation in Christ.

It’s not that sin doesn’t matter to our holy God; it’s that He fully condemned our sin in Christ already.

“He condemned sin in the flesh by sending His own Son in flesh like ours under sin’s domain, and as a sin offering, in order that the law’s requirement would be accomplished in us.” (Romans 8:3b-4a, HCSB)

The condemnation that was owing to us fell on Christ, God’s own Son. In an act of astounding love, the Lord Jesus bore the judgment for our sins.

“But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5, NIV)

But why? Why the brutality of crucifixion? Why would God do this to His dearly beloved Son — the very One who worked with Him in the creation of the universe, the One who was daily His delight? As one young man put it, “Why not just forgive us without that bloody mess of a cross?”

It’s a good question that gets to the heart of the gospel. The only way to truly understand the meaning of the cross is to first see that God is holy—inexpressibly, unfathomably holy. His eyes are so blazingly pure that He cannot bear to look at sin. We could not dwell with God while covered in sin. That is why our sin had to be judged at the cross if we were to ever have a new beginning. Until that burden was lifted, our past would continue to condemn us—even if we stuffed it down into our subconscious.

No wonder Christians throughout the last 2,000 years have seen the cross as a symbol of hope, forgiveness, and cleansing. The cross assures us that God has not abandoned us in our shame and regret. Because of His astounding love for us, we don’t have to live under the burden of shame and guilt. This is why Christians are always singing about the cross. Without it, we have no hope of a new beginning.

If God Is for You

Our enemy despises the cross. The Bible calls Satan “the accuser of our brothers and sisters… who accuses them before our God day and night” (Revelation 12:10, NLT). The devil would have us fixate on our past regrets rather than strive toward a new beginning.

Thankfully, the cross of Christ speaks a better word over us.

“If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.” (Romans 8:31-34, ESV)

I love this series of questions because it underscores the power of the gospel. If the sovereign God of the universe is for you, why would you ever be afraid? If God declares you are justified, welcomed, and forever made clean, how could you ever feel abandoned? If God gave up His very greatest treasure—His own Son—how could He possibly hold back something less? If God has given you His beloved Son, well, then He will surely give you everything!

When we are not letting our mind marinate in the truth of God’s Word, we will hear the enemy’s word instead. The devil continually prods us with, “Look what you’ve done!” or “Look what’s been done to you!” The Holy Spirit whispers, “Look what Christ has done for you!”

Instead of fixating on the past, let’s fix our eyes on Jesus “the author and finisher of our faith” (Hebrews 12:2). In love, He will see us through to the end. In Him, you can have a new beginning as a beloved child of God.

Have thoughts on this post? Feel free to comment below!

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[1] Matthew Perry, Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing, 176.

[2] Psalm 32:5; 1 John 1:9.

[3] For example, see Rachel Hollis, Girl, Wash Your Face. This book is reviewed by Alisa Childers here: Girl, Wash Your Face? What Rachel Hollis Gets Right and Wrong (thegospelcoalition.org)