Tag: fatherhood

The Man Jesus Called “Dad”

On By Jason SmithIn Devotional2 Comments

If there is one truth that Christians have always believed about Christmas it is that Jesus was conceived not by natural human means, but supernaturally in the womb of a virgin named Mary.

The Nicene Creed of AD 325 states, “For us men and for our salvation He came down from heaven, and by the Holy Spirit was incarnate of the Virgin Mary, and became man.” And yet, this same Jesus of Nazareth was known during His lifetime as the son of Joseph of Nazareth. Joseph was not the birth father of Jesus, but he was his father by adoption. Not only do Mary and other Nazareth locals call Joseph Jesus’ father, Scripture itself speaks this way: “The child’s father and mother marveled at what was said about him” (Luke 2:33, ESV).

In every culture, children are inevitably known through their parents. After Jesus baffled His hometown with His profound teaching, many asked, “Isn’t this the carpenter’s son?” (Matthew 13:55). In other words, “How did old Joseph’s boy learn to talk like this?”

We don’t always consider how central Joseph was to Jesus’ upbringing. Joseph would have been there for all of Jesus’ firsts. Because Jewish men at this time were more likely to be literate than the women, it was likely Joseph who lifted the boy Jesus on to his lap and read Him the Torah.[1] As a blue collar worker,[2] Joseph was the man working hard to provide for his family. What little we do know about Joseph is that he was willing to make sacrifices to care for his family (see Matthew 2:13-23). And given what we know about that culture, Jesus would have spent vast amounts of time alongside Joseph, learning the trade of carpentry from His father.

New Testament scholar Gary Burge writes:

“Like other boys in his village, from the age of six to ten Jesus became literate in Hebrew through the study of the Torah in the Nazareth synagogue, and he memorized vast quantities of Scripture.  From ages ten to twelve he became acquainted with the oral laws under the direction of the synagogue teacher and custodian, the hazzan.  At this point he ended his schooling and began working full time with his father.”[3]

Jesus would have called Joseph Abba (“Dad” or “Daddy”) from a young age. When Joseph had something to say, Jesus would listen. When Joseph needed Jesus to run an errand for him in town, Jesus gladly obeyed. The Bible says Jesus was obedient and submissive to both Mary and Joseph (Luke 2:51). As the One who fulfilled the Law of God, Jesus honored both parents perfectly.

In a first century Jewish culture that prized father-son relationships highly, the local townspeople couldn’t help thinking of Joseph every time they saw Jesus. He was His father’s son—not biologically, but in every other sense, humanly speaking.

Interestingly, we don’t have a recorded word from Joseph in Scripture. Joseph may have been the strong silent type, but we know he was a man of action. Scripture describes him as “a just man” who kept the law of God faithfully (Matthew 1:19). You can imagine the hurt Joseph felt when he learned that Mary, his betrothed, was pregnant. Yet even in his anguish, he was “unwilling to put her to shame,” one more clue that Joseph was a man of both integrity and compassion.

When God sent an angel to reveal the truth—Mary had conceived Jesus by the Holy Spirit—Joseph stepped forward to fulfill his calling of taking Mary as his wife as God intended.

“When Joseph woke from sleep, he did as the angel of the Lord commanded him: he took his wife, but knew her not until she had given birth to a son.” (Matthew 1:24-25a, ESV)

As the legal father, Joseph even had the privilege of naming his son “Jesus,” just as the angel had instructed (v. 25).

Despite the scandal of marrying a pregnant woman in that culture, Joseph stepped up to the challenge. He was willing to bear the shame along with Mary, and together they submitted to God’s glorious plan of raising His incarnate Son—a daunting task difficult to fathom.

Joseph’s role in the story of Christmas is not peripheral. Although he is a silent character in the narrative, his part is crucial to everything that unfolds. The angel calls him “Joseph, son of David” to remind him of his royal ancestry and to foreshadow the messianic claims that will be granted to Jesus, his legal heir. Joseph is a strong and faithful man—a true knight of his day who honors women, protects the vulnerable, loves his family, and courageously follows the orders of his King.

In a culture that often devalues the role of husbands and fathers, we need to see again the impact that Joseph had on the life of Jesus. Although he was put in his role by God’s grace alone, everything we know about Joseph tells us that Jesus was raised by a good man and was honored to call him “Dad.”

[1] While New Testament skeptics have said things like “Jesus was an illiterate peasant,” these skeptics underestimate how essential it was for Jewish boys to go to synagogue from a young age and learn the Hebrew Scriptures, often from their fathers (see Deuteronomy 6:4-9). Do we really want to suppose that the same Jesus who often prefaced a quote from Scripture with the question, “Have you not read?” was Himself not reading that very Scripture? This is why blatant skepticism of Jesus cannot be taken seriously; it ignores the evidence and crafts a Jesus with which skeptics are more comfortable.

[2] The Greek word tekton can mean both carpenter and craftsman.

[3] Gary M. Burge. The New Testament in Antiquity (Zondervan, 2009).

Leading Well Is Loving Well

On By Jason SmithIn Devotional, Theology for Life1 Comment

As a pastor, I know I need regular reminders to stay faithful to the Lord, to not compromise my convictions, and to love those I lead.

We have all heard stories of politicians who chose political expediency over fulfilling promises made to their constituencies. At times, all leaders can be tempted to sacrifice convictions when it is convenient. When a leader is driven by selfish ambition rather than love for those they lead, they end up treating their fellow image bearers of God as steppingstones for career advancement. But the best leaders don’t treat people as a means to an end. Instead, they love those they lead and invest in their growth.

I often tell men at my church that all men are called to lead in some sphere, beginning first with leading themselves. Self-rule or “self-control” is a quality the Bible holds in high esteem; it’s a necessary ingredient for leading others with patience and integrity.

“Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (Proverbs 16:32, ESV)

According to the Bible, leading well is not so much about dominating and ruling over others, but about ruling your own spirit so that you can lead others by example.

And the best leaders are those who first faithfully follow their Master, the Lord Jesus. Jesus chose twelve men—called “Apostles”—to be the leaders of His church after His ascension into Heaven. But before that time, He poured into these men with wise instruction and taught them that His kingdom would be marked by loving service, self-denial, and humble faith.

When no one else was willing to do the job of a servant, Jesus showed these guys what true leadership looks like. In a stunning display of humility, Jesus washed their feet. In the Apostles’ minds, this was an act fit for a household slave, not a rabbi. And certainly not a Messiah! Yet Jesus said:

“If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should just as I have done to you.” (John 13:14-15, ESV)

“As Goes the Man, So Goes the Family”

Family is the first sphere to practice this Christlike kind of servant leadership. A man leads his wife well, not by bossing her around and expecting to be served, but by sacrificing his time and energy to love her well, listening well as she shares her heart, and caring for her needs so that she will flourish (Colossians 3:19). Dads and moms lead their children by teaching them, certainly, but also by changing diapers, preparing meals, and bandaging a skinned knee.

The greatest Leader of all time said it best:

“Whoever wants to become great among you will be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you will be a slave to all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:43-45, CSB)

All men are called to lead, but they can lead best if they first submit themselves to God and His will for their lives. When men fail to lead with strength and service, everyone suffers.

Pastor Tony Evans put it well:

“As goes the man, so goes the family. As goes the family; so goes the church. As goes the church; so goes the community. As goes the community; so goes the nation. So if you want to change the nation; change the community; if you want to change the community change the church; if you want to change the church; change the family; if you want to change the family, change the man.”

A Case Study in Bad Leadership

The biblical book of 1 Kings provides us with numerous examples of leadership gone awry. One such example is the young Rehoboam. The heading for 1 Kings 12 in my Bible is “Rehoboam’s Folly,” so we know immediately things are about to go sideways for this young king. After ascending the throne in place of his now deceased father, Solomon, Rehoboam encounters a crisis early in his political career.

Another young man named Jeroboam (not to be confused with Rehoboam) acts as a union leader and leads the Israelite labor force in demanding some changes occur now that Rehoboam is king, or else they’ll go on strike.

“Your father [Solomon] made our yoke heavy. Now therefore lighten the hard service of your father and his heavy yoke on us, and we will serve you.” (1 Kings 12:4, ESV)

Rehoboam buys some time to consider his next move. So far, so good. When a leader responds impulsively during a crisis, problems can escalate. A good leader knows when to press pause and reassess the situation before making a decision. Rehoboam then meets with some of the senior members of his advisory board, the very men who helped guide his father Solomon. Again, this is a good move. Solomon himself said, “Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers” (Proverbs 11:4, NLT).

These older men had experience and wisdom that Rehoboam lacked. They knew what it took to lead people over the long haul. Here’s what we read:

“They replied, ‘Today if you will be a servant to this people and serve them, and if you respond to them by speaking kind words to them, they will be your servants forever.’” (1 Kings 12:7, CSB)

In other words, these aged advisers recommended servant leadership. “If you serve them, they will serve you. If you love them, they will love you. If you’re in touch with their needs, they will gladly follow your lead.”

Unfortunately, Rehoboam didn’t care for this advice. He was too headstrong and progressive to recognize the wisdom of their words. He wrote them off as old has-beens who were stuck in the past. He then consulted the young men he had grown up with—his childhood friends and frat buddies, who, like him, were privileged and proud.

Their advice was the exact opposite of the older men:

“This is what you should tell them: ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s waist! Although my father burdened you with a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke; my father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with barbed whips.’” (1 Kings 12:10-11, CSB)

In other words, “These people feel they’re being worked too hard, huh? Why don’t you tell them there’s a new sheriff in town. It’s time you showed them who’s really in charge. You’ve got to lead with an iron fist. Remind them how puny they are and how much you’ll punish their insolence!”

Rehoboam must have smiled maniacally as he heard these words, because he decided to do exactly what these foolish young men said. Today, this would be a bit like ignoring the sound and biblical wisdom of older generations in your family, church, and community, and instead turning to the latest advice from some rising star on TikTok, who is probably prone to thoughtless narcissism and overreaction.

And because he ignored the advice of the older men, Rehoboam lost the people. They now saw him as the cold-hearted tyrant that he was, unwilling and unfit to lead people well. Nearly the entire nation turned on him, and they made Jeroboam, the one viewed as “a man of the people,” their new king.

Not only that, but Scripture says, “And there was war between Rehoboam and Jeroboam continually” (1 Kings 14:30). That is a painful reminder that tyranny and violence only begets tyranny and violence.

Back in the 1800s, the wise theologian J. C. Ryle made an observation that is just as timely today:

“How common is it to see young men with big heads, high-minded, and not wanting to hear wise counsel! How often they are rude and uncourteous to all around them, thinking they are not valued and honored as they deserve! How often they will not stop to listen to a hint from an older person! They think they know everything. They are full of conceit of their own wisdom. They view elderly people, especially their relations, as stupid, and dull, and slow… And this is all pride.”[1]

Every Leader Is Accountable

There’s an important reminder included in this passage that is easy to miss. The narrator says:

“The king did not listen to the people, because this turn of events came from the Lord to carry out his word.” (1 Kings 12:15, CSB)

In other words, although Rehoboam supposed he was in charge, the reality is that all this came “from the Lord to carry out his word,” because God had already promised in the days of Solomon’s rebellion that the kingdom would be divided. All leaders need to be reminded that ultimately it is the Lord, not man, who truly rules the world. The Book of Revelation tells us that eventually there will be only one Man sitting on the throne, and His name is Jesus.

The lesson for all of us is that good leaders recognize that they are accountable to God for how they lead. Who you are influenced by matters a great deal. And if you lead with domineering and harsh cruelty, you will have to answer for that.

Rather than looking for ways to break the spirit of those we lead, as Rehoboam did, we ought to look for ways to build up others so that they can grow and flourish under the umbrella of our leadership. To lead well we must love well.

Have thoughts on this post? Feel free to comment below!

[1] J. C. Ryle, Thoughts for Young Men, 27.

Dads, Build Them Up

On By Jason SmithIn DevotionalLeave a comment

By Jason Smith

While growing up, you likely heard someone say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” But, of course, that’s not true. In many ways, words can bring harm at a level that sticks and stones never could. Because words can pierce through to the heart.

I can recall from an early age how much words affected me. There was a time one of my good friends made a joke at my expense, and I can still remember how much that stung to hear someone I looked up to making fun of me. I also remember times that I spoke something hurtful, and I can still see the look of anguish that I caused and still feel the tinge of guilt.

In the documentary Won’t You Be My Neighbor, it is revealed that the beloved Fred Rogers, of the classic children’s show Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, was once bullied as a child and called “Fat Freddy.” The whole ordeal really hurt the young boy, and it taught him early in life how much power our words can have on others.

Words carry far more weight than we give them credit. They have the ability to cut people so deeply that healing can take a long time. Perhaps you grew up in a household where you heard countless threats, name-calling, insults, and a regular supply of bitter sarcasm directed at you. Such an experience can be debilitating. You can grow up with the sense that you have little to no value in the eyes of others. It can make you wish you were someone else. The whole trajectory of your life can be devastated – all because of words.

However, there is a flip side to all this. Not only do our words carry incredible power to tear down, they also have the power to build up.

The wise author of Proverbs wrote, “The tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21). When your child is hurting, feeling crushed by defeat, or upset about something, your words of encouragement can be like a refreshing spring rain that brings life and joy. Even for an adult, a timely compliment can change the whole mood of the day. And yes, it’s also true that words can kill – in fact, in some tragic cases, they have. People can be driven to despair and angst by the cruel and biting words of another.

Because of their unique role, fathers should especially take all this to heart. Sociologists, psychologists, and historians have written reams about the undeniable impact a father can have on his child’s life – for good or ill. I believe that one of the primary roles God has given to fathers is that they would be there to build up their children with their words. Spending time with your children, hearing them articulate their own thoughts, and telling them why you think they’re so great is such a simple but immensely beneficial act of fatherhood.

The Apostle Paul wrote, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29, ESV).

How different our world would be if fathers took this counsel to heart. What if every single dad in the world resolved each morning to only say that which is good, encouraging, and helpful for building up their children? What kind of difference would that make? How many family rifts, embittered hearts, and feelings of despair could be avoided through this simple, daily practice?

This in no way eliminates the need for discipline. Instead, it very purposefully puts all loving discipline of your child in the right framework.

When your little guy is misbehaving, running amok, and causing trails of disaster wherever he goes, it can be hard to restrain your tongue. When your daughter throws a fit in the mall because she didn’t get the candy she was pleading for, it can be a challenge to not thrown your own private fit later. When your son uses your power tools for the eleventh time and leaves them out in the rain, it may seem impossible not to scream about how irresponsible he is. (Some of you are cringing even as I describe these scenarios!)

But how we speak in those moments can mean all the difference in the world for that child. And, trust me, this is coming from a dad who hasn’t always chosen to speak in a way that gives “grace to those who hear.” But giving grace is what we should strive for and, with God’s help, it’s something achievable.

When they don’t get the “A” they studied so hard for or don’t make the team they had dreams of playing on, they may just need Dad to silently sit with them or hug them. But when the time is right, lift their spirits with a word of encouragement. Remind them how much you love them, in the successes and the failures. Give them the boost they need. Leave no room for doubt that you are proud of them nonetheless!

Doesn’t every father need this reminder? Dads, build them up.

Raising Boys

On By Jason SmithIn Devotional2 Comments

By Jason Smith

My two-year-old, Weston, and I, August 2019

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

In a matter of weeks, my wife Whitney is due to deliver our third boy, Ryan David Smith. Thus will begin yet another chapter in our life together. We are experiencing the strange mixture of unbounded excitement and a pinch of sheer terror at what lies in store for us. But mostly we just can’t wait to meet the little guy. God has been so very gracious with us. Whitney and I love our boys and cannot imagine life without them.

Although we are keenly aware of how cranky we can be when sleep deprived, we are, truthfully, just as excited for our third son as we were for our first two. Whitney has pointed out how active Ryan has been in the womb. Many times, she has grabbed my hand and put it over her tummy when Ryan is in the middle of his daily karate exercises. What expectant dad doesn’t get a kick out of that? (Insert groan in response to the dad joke here). So much life and so much vibrant personality already bound up in this tiny person! I have even played this fun little game where I press twice on him, and he immediately responds with a kick as if to say, “Yeah, I felt that!”

I think of what King David — after whom we named Ryan David — wrote about God’s direct and intimate involvement with every step of a baby’s development in the womb:

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” (Psalm 139:13-16)

It is a marvel to me how our older two boys can be so similar, and yet so very different. Both are testosterone-filled boys who love to run wild, crash little cars, pretend they are swash-buckling pirates, jump off the couch, and wrestle their old man on the ground. At the same time, they are remarkably distinct in personality and preferences.

Logan (4) is a thinker. He is deeply empathetic and constantly looking for ways to meet the needs of others. God has given Logan a very organized mind that loves to see how things fit together, and he relishes well-structured environments. Despite his tender heart, Logan also loves the thrill of adventure and hardly a day goes by without him asking to ride his bike. At this point, I’m thinking he would make a fine neurosurgeon, an engineer for skyscrapers, or perhaps someone who does humanitarian relief work overseas.

Weston (2), on the other hand, is a doer. Granted, he is two years younger, but we can already tell he is more action-oriented. The little chunk is in love with every animal he meets, and energetic life seems to pulsate through his tough little body. When Weston enters a new place, the first thing he looks for is the highest point that he can climb to and jump off. Hence, the nickname Whitney and I have given him: “Wild West.” I am guessing he’ll end up as either a lion tamer, a stuntman, or a CIA agent.

Weston (2) and Logan (4), July 2019

With the arrival of our third boy, I feel an even deeper sense of responsibility and accountability for my role in their lives as a father. I am very aware of my many faults and flaws, and, no doubt, there are many more of which I am not aware. But this doesn’t change the fact that I am called to be a godly example to these boys. While I do not expect to be a perfect dad, I want to strive to be all that God calls me to be for them.

It is virtually undisputed that fathers play a tremendous role in the lives of their sons, especially in their formative years, when they are learning what it means to be a man. Research continually bears out the long-term consequences in the lives of both boys and girls when there is no father or father figure at home.[1] There is something profoundly grounding and nurturing about having a loving father who is present for his son and deeply interested in his life. I myself was blessed to have such a father in my life, and he continues to be a role model for me today.

Obviously, mothers play an essential role in the boy’s life, too — mine certainly did! However, there are certain things that a boy can only learn from a man. For example, as their dad, I can show my sons how a man ought to respect and honor a woman. From an early age, my boys are noting the way I treat Whitney. If I were to give her only a minimal level of attention, dismiss her concerns as trivial, or ignore her comments and suggestions, my boys would begin to pick up the false idea that men need not respect women.

A lack of respect for women from a young age invariably results in teenage boys viewing girls as objects for their pleasure rather than persons deserving their respect and thoughtful consideration. This subject is not popular to talk about, but it needs to be said more often. Whenever men disregard the inherent value of women, this always leads to devastating consequences. One of the primary roles for a father of boys is to model for his sons the great importance of honoring women. For example, they need to know from an early age that it is never okay to hit a girl.

This is important because a boy’s wiring is different from a girl. Recent studies have discovered more ways male and female brains are different even at the molecular level.[2] Aside from the obvious genetic and anatomical dissimilarities, boys have higher levels of testosterone and lower levels of serotonin. Serotonin is a hormone that helps regulate self-control and “facilitates good judgment” when emotions run high.[3] It explains at the chemical level why men often act violently and recklessly when they lose their tempers.[4]

My wife Whitney with Weston and Logan, July 2019

Something I have learned about my boys is that everything is a race for them. If you ask one to set the table (with their little plastic plates and cups), the other seizes the opportunity to beat him to the punch. The same is true when it is time to go to the park, pick out a bedtime story, or brush their teeth. It does not matter if there is no prize whatsoever. Everything is a race. This competitive streak in boys is both a good thing and a bad thing.

Research has shown that higher levels of testosterone correlate with higher levels of competitive, aggressive, and even, sometimes, violent behavior. This explains why, by nature, boys tend to be more competitive than girls. Girls, on the other hand, tend to be more relational. Granted, there are exceptions, but overall this tendency holds true. Psychologist James Dobson writes, “Testosterone almost certainly plays a role in the fact that the vast majority of crimes of violence are committed by men, and that the prison population is occupied by a vastly disproportionate number of males.”[5][6]

The point here is not that boys are a bunch of little criminals in a cute disguise and that girls are sweet little angels incapable of doing wrong. Parents around the world can testify this is not quite true! Neither is the point that boys are biologically preprogrammed to act violently. As a Christian, I believe what the Bible says about the spiritual and moral brokenness of every person, and his or her desperate need of a perfect Savior (Romans 3:9-25). I also believe what the Bible says about each person being responsible for his or her own behavior (Romans 2:1-16; 2 Corinthians 5:10).

By God’s grace, boys can grow up to be men who lead a life where they respect others — especially women and those in authority — and use their strength ultimately to promote peace. There is nothing inherently evil about testosterone, but it is essential to recognize the inevitable fallout when parents do not raise their boys to make wise, moral, and God-honoring decisions.

Moreover, that competitive streak in boys can be a very good thing, because it can lead to them pushing one another to improve, work hard, and always strive for excellence in whatever they do. Young men can actually build a deep bond of brotherhood through their competition with one another. “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). So, please don’t feel the need to hamper that adrenaline and stifle all forms of rivalry. Instead, help your boy channel that grit and determination to win into right behavior. Boys need to know there is a time to be tough, and there is a time to be tender. Helping them distinguish between those two times is of paramount importance.

That is why it is so important for not just the mom, but also the dad to provide guidance and discipline for boys regarding how they treat others. In fact, because boys tend to respond better to male authority figures, it is the dad’s responsibility to lead the way in both loving discipline and gentle instruction (Ephesians 6:4). As a Christian, I see my primary responsibility in raising my boys is to both share the gospel of Jesus Christ with them and model a life consistent with that message. Only the gospel is “the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes” (Romans 1:16). Therefore, it alone has the power to transform hearts and make them disciples (followers) of the Lord Jesus.

Christian parents are not merely parents; they are disciple makers. By God’s grace, my generation can raise a generation of godly men who know what it means to love God and neighbor. For those of us who know Christ, we can take great courage in knowing that we are not left alone to this branch of discipleship we call parenting. Jesus said, “I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).

[1] I have tremendous respect for single moms. When I talk about the importance of a father, in no way am I suggesting that single moms should despair. Rather, your role is vital in your child’s upbringing, and godly men who are not your child’s father can and do serve a significant role in helping to guide and instruct a child, even though this will look different from a father’s role. A helpful resource is Emerson Eggerichs, Mother and Son: The Respect Effect (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2016). It also needs to be said that God can overcome all statistics and circumstances. Time and time again, I have met men who grew up without a father, but have been radically transformed by Jesus Christ, the One who is not limited by statistical trends.

[2] Catherine S. Woolley, et al, “Sex Differences in Molecular Signaling at Inhibitory Synapses in the Hippocampus,” (The Journal of Neuroscience, 12 August 2015), 11252-11266. Woolley, who was originally averse to the concept of sex differences in the brain, later had to admit that the evidence overwhelmingly demonstrated that male and female brains are fundamentally different at the molecular level. Her article is found here: https://www.jneurosci.org/content/jneuro/35/32/11252.full.pdf

[3] James C. Dobson, Bringing Up Boys (Tyndale House Publishers, 2018), 25.

[4] It is important to acknowledge what is happening at the chemical and neurological level as a partial explanation, but certainly not the full explanation.

[5] Dobson, Bringing Up Boys, 22.

[6] However, another interesting statistic is that men with absentee fathers are more likely to commit violent crimes than men who had a loving father in the home. See Don Elium, Raising a Son (New York: Random House, 2004); James C. Dobson, Bringing Up Boys, chapters 5 and 6.