Tag: baby

Speaking the Truth in Love about Abortion

On By Jason SmithIn Devotional, Theology for Life, Why I Believe3 Comments 
“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” (Ephesians 4:15, NIV)

It’s not easy to talk about abortion. In our culture, merely expressing pro-life convictions can earn you the label “bigot,” “misogynist,” or “ignorant.” When I joined some college students for a prayer vigil outside a Planned Parenthood in Salem, Oregon, several years ago, one middle-aged woman pulled her car over just so she could scream, “How can you be so stupid and hateful!” Ironically, the only one showing hostility was her.

Thankfully, no one in our group responded in kind. Instead, the young woman next to me said, “We love you! We don’t hate you!” Still livid, the woman got back in her car and sped away. After she left, a middle-aged Christian woman participating in the prayer vigil turned to me and said, “That makes me sad.” She said it sincerely, without a hint of contempt. “I used to think like her. I had an abortion a long time ago, and the only reason I’m here today is because of Jesus.”

This dear woman was not there to express hatred and condemnation. She wanted to express the love of Jesus to the women pulling into the parking lot about to make an immensely important decision. She wasn’t there to name-call or retaliate with anger. But the one thing she couldn’t do was remain silent. Even by telling me her story, she was speaking the truth in love.

We Bear a Message of Life

My pro-life convictions rest on the basic recognition that every human life is a gift from God. Each one of us came into existence at a specific point in time in our mother’s womb. Scientists have learned that at the moment of conception, there is a flash of light in the womb.[1] Human beings have only recently discovered this, but our Creator has seen every time one of His image bearers came to life.

Take God and His Word out of the equation, and I really don’t have much to say on the issue. And I definitely wouldn’t be able to say anything in love. If you leave God and His gospel out of the conversation, someone can always make some kind of utilitarian argument for why abortion is a good idea in certain cases. It is because of the gospel of Jesus Christ, first and foremost, that Christians are called to speak the truth in love regarding the sanctity of every human life. It makes no sense to claim to follow the One who is Life and not be pro-life.

Many people, including pastors, would love to leave the topic of abortion alone. They point out that any time the word “abortion” is mentioned, sparks fly, and emotions run hot. In the minds of many Christians, we should just vote accordingly and otherwise avoid the subject altogether. But the gospel of Jesus Christ is a message of life, hope, and forgiveness. If we cannot speak about the hundreds of thousands of human lives taken every year by abortion,[2] then either our gospel is impotent (Paul calls the gospel “the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes,” Romans 1:16) or our belief in the gospel is.

If you are a Christian tempted to think that there is no real value in speaking the truth in love about abortion, I want to challenge your thinking. I say that not because I enjoy walking into a hornet’s nest, but simply because God calls us to represent Jesus, no matter what the circumstance.

In Scripture, there is the repeated theme that those who belong to God must speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves. The Jewish Queen Esther even risked her own life by speaking up for her own people when their lives were in danger of being snuffed out.

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
    for the rights of all who are destitute.
Speak up and judge fairly;
    defend the rights of the poor and needy. (Proverbs 31:8-9, NIV)

Who is more needy and vulnerable than the baby in her mother’s womb? Like Esther, we must accept the risk and speak up for those whose right to life is being trampled.

On the other hand, you may be a passionate pro-life advocate ready to defend the cause at the drop of a hat, but your tone tends to be derogatory, inflammatory, and harsh. In that case, I don’t want to quench your passion, but I do want to urge you to temper your language with gentleness and love. Jesus urged us to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength and to love our neighbor as ourselves. When you love God rightly, you will love your neighbor well. Scripture calls us to speak the truth about the crucial issues of life—even if they are controversial—but to do so out of love for others.

“A Patient Is a Person, No Matter How Small”

Dr. Bill Lile is a pro-life doctor who models speaking the truth with love and grace powerfully.[3] Borrowing from Dr. Seuss’s Horton Hears a Who, Dr. Lile’s trademark statement is, “A patient is a person, no matter how small. And patients have rights.”

I first heard Dr. Lile speak at the Options Pregnancy Resource Centers annual banquet in 2022. I was impressed with the way he confidently, yet graciously, shared some encouraging news about advances in fetal surgery. He even described an open-heart surgery at Cleveland Clinic for a baby at 27 weeks gestation. The surgeon successfully removed a teratoma—a rare type of tumor—that was on her heart. He pointed out that during the surgery both mom and baby needed their own anesthesiologist. He then showed a digital illustration of how this astonishing surgery took place.[4]

Dr. Lile told the captive audience, “If you can do open-heart surgery and have a separate pediatric anesthesiologist for the baby in the womb, is that a patient? Yeah, a patient is a person, no matter how small. And patients have rights.”

As an obstetrician who has even delivered quadruplets, Dr. Lile could speak with clarity and confidence about the humanity of the preborn baby. But he did so with kindness and humility, rather than sounding like someone with an axe to grind. Most importantly, he connected the issue of saving preborn babies to the message of ultimate salvation and forgiveness found in Christ.

Fear of Man Is a Snare

As Christians, we need to know how to address abortion because, whether we like it or not, it exists as a real issue that people in America face every day. We need to face it squarely, guided by the lens of Scripture and the character of Christ. Yes, we need to be careful how we speak about sensitive topics, and we need to be sure we are listening well to those that are hurting. But this doesn’t mean we need to permanently zip our lips.

Too often, I think Christians have avoided talking about abortion out of fear of being labeled “judgmental” or “too political.” It’s in those times of fear that we should recall what Jesus said:

“And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”  (Matthew 10:28, ESV)

In the same way, do not fear those who try to kill your reputation or unfairly criticize you. Don’t fear those whose opinions will evaporate on the day of judgment. Fear the One whose opinion eternally matters. “The fear of man is a snare,” the Bible reminds us (Proverbs 29:25). May you and I avoid this snare!

At the same time, in principle, we should not relish controversy. In fact, if you love to just stir the pot whenever you get the chance, that’s not a great sign. There is a kind of fleshly craving to say things that will upset others. But we are called to be ambassadors for Christ and speak about real issues of life that confront us.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a Lutheran pastor who stood up to Hitler and the Third Reich. He spoke out against their horrible treatment of Jews. Nazi ideology held that the Jewish people were subhuman. At the time, Bonhoeffer was warned by many of his fellow pastors to keep silent about what the Nazis were doing if he wanted to avoid trouble. Bonhoeffer responded, “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” In other words, there is no neutral approach when innocent lives are being taken. To be cowed into silence was to swear loyalty to Hitler. And that was something Bonhoeffer could not do.

God has given Christians guidance on how we are to live and speak in a world where lies and deception meet us at every turn.

“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” (Ephesians 4:15, NIV)

Christians are followers of the risen King, and we have been appointed to speak the truth about His kingdom in love. Notice the conjunction here. We’re not merely to smash people with the hammer of truth and let God clean up the mess. We are to speak the truth in love.

Balance Grace and Truth

It’s not easy to balance truth and love. Early on in our dating relationship, my wife Whitney took me horseback riding. If you have ever ridden a horse, you know how important balance is. If you start to fall one way, you can’t overcompensate, or you’ll fall off the other side!

In a similar way, it’s very challenging, but we must try to balance truth and love. This is how the church grows into maturity. We build one another up with love and truth. Christians have often fallen off the horse on one side or the other, but we need both!

When we communicate truth to a lost world, we need to be careful that we are speaking from a place of love and understanding. It does no good to interrupt, tear down, and scream. We already have enough of that today.

Engage with Questions

That means we need to listen well to those with whom we strongly disagree. James 1:19-20 says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

This is why perhaps the most effective way to begin a productive conversation with someone in favor of abortion is to pose some important questions. Ask them with the goal of understanding them, not so that you can pummel them or make them look foolish. The goal should be helping them see the error in their thinking with a spirit of gentleness.

Christian apologist Scott Klusendorf suggests the following questions when you are engaged in an abortion conversation:

“Do you believe that every innocent human life should be protected?”

“What is the unborn (preborn)?”

“What is your understanding of what happens in an abortion?”

“What’s wrong with a law that says you can’t kill innocent human beings and, if you do, there will be consequences?”

“Why is it legally okay for Laci Peterson to kill her unborn child, but if Scott does it, he’s convicted of murder?”

“When you say the Bible is silent, do you mean the word abortion is never mentioned or that we can’t draw any inferences from what’s taught there?”

If someone was to say, “The unborn are human, but they are not persons” some follow-up questions might include:

“What’s the difference? Do you mean there’s a group of humans whom we can set aside to be killed while others can’t be?”

“Have you considered what your view does to the concept of human equality?”

Become a student of the other side. Seek to understand them. Ask questions with gentleness and grace, always aspiring to leave the impression that Christ is loving this person through you. You don’t want to beat anyone up, but you do want to bring light into clouded thinking and help people see the truth of what is at stake.

But don’t be cowed into silence. Speak the truth in love as a faithful ambassador of our Lord.

Have thoughts on this post? Feel free to comment below!

*If you are interested, I encourage you to check out Options Pregnancy Resource Centers in Albany, OR at their website here: https://www.optionsprcfamily.org/ You can find out how to support this important organization and hear testimonies of women who found love and support when they walked through their doors.

[1] https://www.sciencealert.com/scientists-just-captured-the-actual-flash-of-light-that-sparks-when-sperm-meets-an-egg

[2] According to the Guttmacher Institute, there were 930,160 abortions in the US alone in 2020. See: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/01/11/what-the-data-says-about-abortion-in-the-u-s-2/

[3] You can learn more about Dr. Lile’s ministry at his website: https://www.prolifedoc.org/

[4] I strongly encourage you watch the video here where the details for the surgery are given: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5UAOI5M4ow

Raising Boys

On By Jason SmithIn Devotional2 Comments

By Jason Smith

My two-year-old, Weston, and I, August 2019

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4)

In a matter of weeks, my wife Whitney is due to deliver our third boy, Ryan David Smith. Thus will begin yet another chapter in our life together. We are experiencing the strange mixture of unbounded excitement and a pinch of sheer terror at what lies in store for us. But mostly we just can’t wait to meet the little guy. God has been so very gracious with us. Whitney and I love our boys and cannot imagine life without them.

Although we are keenly aware of how cranky we can be when sleep deprived, we are, truthfully, just as excited for our third son as we were for our first two. Whitney has pointed out how active Ryan has been in the womb. Many times, she has grabbed my hand and put it over her tummy when Ryan is in the middle of his daily karate exercises. What expectant dad doesn’t get a kick out of that? (Insert groan in response to the dad joke here). So much life and so much vibrant personality already bound up in this tiny person! I have even played this fun little game where I press twice on him, and he immediately responds with a kick as if to say, “Yeah, I felt that!”

I think of what King David — after whom we named Ryan David — wrote about God’s direct and intimate involvement with every step of a baby’s development in the womb:

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” (Psalm 139:13-16)

It is a marvel to me how our older two boys can be so similar, and yet so very different. Both are testosterone-filled boys who love to run wild, crash little cars, pretend they are swash-buckling pirates, jump off the couch, and wrestle their old man on the ground. At the same time, they are remarkably distinct in personality and preferences.

Logan (4) is a thinker. He is deeply empathetic and constantly looking for ways to meet the needs of others. God has given Logan a very organized mind that loves to see how things fit together, and he relishes well-structured environments. Despite his tender heart, Logan also loves the thrill of adventure and hardly a day goes by without him asking to ride his bike. At this point, I’m thinking he would make a fine neurosurgeon, an engineer for skyscrapers, or perhaps someone who does humanitarian relief work overseas.

Weston (2), on the other hand, is a doer. Granted, he is two years younger, but we can already tell he is more action-oriented. The little chunk is in love with every animal he meets, and energetic life seems to pulsate through his tough little body. When Weston enters a new place, the first thing he looks for is the highest point that he can climb to and jump off. Hence, the nickname Whitney and I have given him: “Wild West.” I am guessing he’ll end up as either a lion tamer, a stuntman, or a CIA agent.

Weston (2) and Logan (4), July 2019

With the arrival of our third boy, I feel an even deeper sense of responsibility and accountability for my role in their lives as a father. I am very aware of my many faults and flaws, and, no doubt, there are many more of which I am not aware. But this doesn’t change the fact that I am called to be a godly example to these boys. While I do not expect to be a perfect dad, I want to strive to be all that God calls me to be for them.

It is virtually undisputed that fathers play a tremendous role in the lives of their sons, especially in their formative years, when they are learning what it means to be a man. Research continually bears out the long-term consequences in the lives of both boys and girls when there is no father or father figure at home.[1] There is something profoundly grounding and nurturing about having a loving father who is present for his son and deeply interested in his life. I myself was blessed to have such a father in my life, and he continues to be a role model for me today.

Obviously, mothers play an essential role in the boy’s life, too — mine certainly did! However, there are certain things that a boy can only learn from a man. For example, as their dad, I can show my sons how a man ought to respect and honor a woman. From an early age, my boys are noting the way I treat Whitney. If I were to give her only a minimal level of attention, dismiss her concerns as trivial, or ignore her comments and suggestions, my boys would begin to pick up the false idea that men need not respect women.

A lack of respect for women from a young age invariably results in teenage boys viewing girls as objects for their pleasure rather than persons deserving their respect and thoughtful consideration. This subject is not popular to talk about, but it needs to be said more often. Whenever men disregard the inherent value of women, this always leads to devastating consequences. One of the primary roles for a father of boys is to model for his sons the great importance of honoring women. For example, they need to know from an early age that it is never okay to hit a girl.

This is important because a boy’s wiring is different from a girl. Recent studies have discovered more ways male and female brains are different even at the molecular level.[2] Aside from the obvious genetic and anatomical dissimilarities, boys have higher levels of testosterone and lower levels of serotonin. Serotonin is a hormone that helps regulate self-control and “facilitates good judgment” when emotions run high.[3] It explains at the chemical level why men often act violently and recklessly when they lose their tempers.[4]

My wife Whitney with Weston and Logan, July 2019

Something I have learned about my boys is that everything is a race for them. If you ask one to set the table (with their little plastic plates and cups), the other seizes the opportunity to beat him to the punch. The same is true when it is time to go to the park, pick out a bedtime story, or brush their teeth. It does not matter if there is no prize whatsoever. Everything is a race. This competitive streak in boys is both a good thing and a bad thing.

Research has shown that higher levels of testosterone correlate with higher levels of competitive, aggressive, and even, sometimes, violent behavior. This explains why, by nature, boys tend to be more competitive than girls. Girls, on the other hand, tend to be more relational. Granted, there are exceptions, but overall this tendency holds true. Psychologist James Dobson writes, “Testosterone almost certainly plays a role in the fact that the vast majority of crimes of violence are committed by men, and that the prison population is occupied by a vastly disproportionate number of males.”[5][6]

The point here is not that boys are a bunch of little criminals in a cute disguise and that girls are sweet little angels incapable of doing wrong. Parents around the world can testify this is not quite true! Neither is the point that boys are biologically preprogrammed to act violently. As a Christian, I believe what the Bible says about the spiritual and moral brokenness of every person, and his or her desperate need of a perfect Savior (Romans 3:9-25). I also believe what the Bible says about each person being responsible for his or her own behavior (Romans 2:1-16; 2 Corinthians 5:10).

By God’s grace, boys can grow up to be men who lead a life where they respect others — especially women and those in authority — and use their strength ultimately to promote peace. There is nothing inherently evil about testosterone, but it is essential to recognize the inevitable fallout when parents do not raise their boys to make wise, moral, and God-honoring decisions.

Moreover, that competitive streak in boys can be a very good thing, because it can lead to them pushing one another to improve, work hard, and always strive for excellence in whatever they do. Young men can actually build a deep bond of brotherhood through their competition with one another. “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). So, please don’t feel the need to hamper that adrenaline and stifle all forms of rivalry. Instead, help your boy channel that grit and determination to win into right behavior. Boys need to know there is a time to be tough, and there is a time to be tender. Helping them distinguish between those two times is of paramount importance.

That is why it is so important for not just the mom, but also the dad to provide guidance and discipline for boys regarding how they treat others. In fact, because boys tend to respond better to male authority figures, it is the dad’s responsibility to lead the way in both loving discipline and gentle instruction (Ephesians 6:4). As a Christian, I see my primary responsibility in raising my boys is to both share the gospel of Jesus Christ with them and model a life consistent with that message. Only the gospel is “the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes” (Romans 1:16). Therefore, it alone has the power to transform hearts and make them disciples (followers) of the Lord Jesus.

Christian parents are not merely parents; they are disciple makers. By God’s grace, my generation can raise a generation of godly men who know what it means to love God and neighbor. For those of us who know Christ, we can take great courage in knowing that we are not left alone to this branch of discipleship we call parenting. Jesus said, “I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).

[1] I have tremendous respect for single moms. When I talk about the importance of a father, in no way am I suggesting that single moms should despair. Rather, your role is vital in your child’s upbringing, and godly men who are not your child’s father can and do serve a significant role in helping to guide and instruct a child, even though this will look different from a father’s role. A helpful resource is Emerson Eggerichs, Mother and Son: The Respect Effect (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2016). It also needs to be said that God can overcome all statistics and circumstances. Time and time again, I have met men who grew up without a father, but have been radically transformed by Jesus Christ, the One who is not limited by statistical trends.

[2] Catherine S. Woolley, et al, “Sex Differences in Molecular Signaling at Inhibitory Synapses in the Hippocampus,” (The Journal of Neuroscience, 12 August 2015), 11252-11266. Woolley, who was originally averse to the concept of sex differences in the brain, later had to admit that the evidence overwhelmingly demonstrated that male and female brains are fundamentally different at the molecular level. Her article is found here: https://www.jneurosci.org/content/jneuro/35/32/11252.full.pdf

[3] James C. Dobson, Bringing Up Boys (Tyndale House Publishers, 2018), 25.

[4] It is important to acknowledge what is happening at the chemical and neurological level as a partial explanation, but certainly not the full explanation.

[5] Dobson, Bringing Up Boys, 22.

[6] However, another interesting statistic is that men with absentee fathers are more likely to commit violent crimes than men who had a loving father in the home. See Don Elium, Raising a Son (New York: Random House, 2004); James C. Dobson, Bringing Up Boys, chapters 5 and 6.