Identity is a crucial term in the gender debate going on today. The core question being asked is: “How does someone identify?” One lesson plan for kindergarteners currently being used states that gender identity is “how you, in your head, define and understand your gender based on the options for gender you know to exist.”[1]

Gender theory claims that the gender binary of men and women is problematic, and that to say that a person is either a man or a woman is oppressive. But how should Christians who take the Bible seriously understand this argument? And how should we think about those who are born intersex (having ambiguous genitalia)? Does Scripture address these sensitive questions?

How the Cultural Influencers Enlist the Conscience

Not only are school curriculums encouraging kids to reevaluate their gender “assigned at birth” (the gender that matches their biological sex), but adolescents are encouraged to think of gender as a fluid concept. While your biological sex is something fixed all the way down to your chromosomal DNA, it’s argued that gender identity is something that you must decide for yourself. Therapists and peers say, “No one should be able to tell you who you are.”

One teen magazine matter-of-factly asserted: “The truth is, not all women menstruate and not all people who menstruate are women.”[2]

Parents of children who identify as transgender face a significant quandary. Gender therapists tell them that if they don’t affirm their child’s new gender identity and don’t support their decision to have transition surgery, they are not only unloving but putting their children at risk of suicide. Given such enormous stakes, many parents feel compelled to go along with what both their child and the child’s therapist are urging.

These are very real issues facing us, and we should not be glib or sarcastic as we confront them. Every parent I know wants what is best for their child. When faced with the harrowing prospect of losing their child to suicide, what parent wouldn’t do all that was necessary to avoid this?

In fact, many gender therapists pose the question to parents like this: “Would you rather a dead daughter or a live son?”[3]

Beyond the family unit, there is a growing movement in our society that has been outspoken in its support for transgender rights. Those who dissent from this movement are told that anything less than full support and affirmation of a transgender person’s stated identity is both harmful and disrespectful. Given the perceived damage caused by non-affirmers, it’s no wonder why there is now full-throated support for transgender rights in recent years. Who wouldn’t want a more just and equal society, where everyone is treated with respect and dignity? And doesn’t it only make sense to shout down all opposing views who don’t share these values?

In her book Mama Bear Apologetics Guide to Sexuality, Hillary Morgan Ferrer recalls a scene from Kindergarten Cop, where a little boy raises his hand in class to bluntly say, “Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina.” Ferrer observes, “In 1990, this was considered so obvious that it was part of the joke. Fast-forward 30 years, and a statement like this could be prosecuted as hate speech.” Quite so. According to gender theory, gender identity (being a girl or boy) does not necessarily correspond to objective anatomy. In other words, one’s gender ought to be self-determined, not biologically determined.

Of course, all of this depends on the truth of what is being proclaimed. The transgender movement has worked hard to enlist the conscience as a powerful ally, but what if the consequences of the movement have not been fully considered? Karl Marx saw the world through the lens of “the oppressors and the oppressed.” Many may not realize it, but Marxist thinking has powerfully informed this movement by making two critical assumptions:

1) Transgender persons are victims and oppressed; and

2) Any and all means possible must be harnessed to protect such victims from whatever has been deemed oppressive.

In his book, God in the Dock, C. S. Lewis wisely said:

“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”[4]

The point is that whether it is loving or not to affirm a transgender person’s stated identity depends on the deeper questions:

1) Can someone misperceive their gender identity?

2) Are there unintended consequences in affirming someone’s misperceived gender identity?

Many supporters of transgender rights appeal to a compassion for basic human rights and the need to respect all persons no matter what. I applaud this baseline concern for loving and respecting others. However, I have noticed that this compassion is almost always one-sided. For example, why is it that we ought to have compassion and respect for a transgender person, yet ignore the safety, privacy, fair competition, and dignity of women who are adversely affected by these recent changes? As Helen Joyce has written, “A man may be embarrassed if a female person uses a male changing room; a male in a communal female facility can inspire fear.”[5]

The Christian’s Identity

First and foremost, Christians are to find their identity in Christ – not gender or sexuality or anything else. The New Testament teaches that it is in union with Jesus that we are to understand ourselves. Our feelings should not be the basis for identity. Instead, Scripture teaches that we are to above all see ourselves in Christ.

One of the Apostle Paul’s favorite designations for Jesus followers is that we are “in Christ.”[6] By this, he means that we are united to Christ by faith in such a profound sense that what is true of Christ becomes true of us, simply through union with Him. Christ’s righteousness becomes our righteousness. God the Father’s loving delight in the Son is now the privilege extended to us. While distinctions remain – Jesus alone is God, we are not – our identity is now and forever tied up with Jesus our Savior and Lord.

Look at how Paul explained this:

“If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” (Colossians 3:1-4, ESV)

Notice all the emphasis on our identity with Christ. Our union with Him should be the controlling center from which we approach everything else in life. As we will see, this doesn’t nullify other identity markers, but it gives us the basis for understanding other aspects to our identity.

The Binary Categories of Male and Female are God-given

The phrase “sex assigned at birth” sounds oppressive; it is meant to. It sounds like the doctor arbitrarily dictated the sex with which you would be identified. But something is clearly ignored in such phrasing. The sex you were “assigned at birth” nearly always – there are exceptions, but they are rare[7] – corresponds with the objective anatomy visible at birth. Throughout history, aside from rare genetic abnormalities, there has been one and only one objective criteria by which to determine whether someone is a boy or a girl: the baby’s biological sex. Isn’t it chronological snobbery to assume that virtually every culture from all of time has been hopelessly wrong about this?

From an early age, Christian parents need to teach their children the goodness of God’s design. They need to know that the biological categories of male and female are given in the first chapter of the Bible and tell us about what God intended when He created us.

“So God created man in his own image,
    in the image of God he created him;
    male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27, ESV)

In the biblical worldview, being a boy or a girl is not a matter of social convention but a true identity marker rooted in the reality of how God formed us in the womb. Children need to know about God’s deep involvement with their creation.

For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth. (Psalm 139:13-15, ESV)

While I have never knitted, I have watched others knit. Something that stands out to me about this activity is the intricacy and care that must be taken as each yarn is woven together individually to form the larger fabric.

That is the level of care with which God formed our bodies. Certainly, we must acknowledge that we also live in a fallen world where babies are born with congenital disorders, such as spina bifida or cleft lip. In the most heartbreaking cases, a disorder is so damaging that the baby does not survive.

Ever since the fall of Adam and Eve, death has been an ugly intruder. Things are not the way they are supposed to be. According to the Bible, sin has so marred God’s good creation that nothing less than a full redemption is needed.

“And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies” (Romans 8:23, ESV).

In truth, none of our bodies are everything they were originally created to be, because they are all plagued by the effects of sin. But one day, they will be redeemed, set free from sin, and made glorious and without defect (Philippians 3:20).

But one thing we must see in Psalm 139 is that God left nothing to chance. There are no accidents in the way our sovereign God forms us. While natural processes of fertilization are involved, ultimately God determines a person’s sex from the moment of conception.

What about Intersex?

It is important to acknowledge that there are intersex individuals who were born with what has been termed ambiguous genitalia. We cannot overlook these individuals who have been created in God’s image and have immense value as human beings like the rest of us. It must be said that intersex is not the same thing as transgender, although many have tried to equate these terms.[8]

The transgender movement has often tried to point to intersexuality in support of their cause. Once again, this is an example where the conscience is enlisted as an ally. If people are born with ambiguous genitalia, so the argument goes, shouldn’t we downplay the significance of male-female differences? Anne Fausto-Sterling has argued that 1.7% of the population is intersex, and therefore it would be more inclusive if we treated gender as a spectrum rather than a binary of male or female.

While this may sound reasonable initially, medical doctor Leonard Sax demonstrates how Fausto-Sterling’s argument misses the mark for several reasons. First, as Sax points out, Fausto-Sterling’s definition of intersex is far too broad, and thus the 1.7% statistic is misleading. As Sax explains, in reality the number of babies born intersex is closer to .018%.  

The big difference here is that while Sax considers intersex to mean “having ambiguous genitalia,” Fausto-Sterling’s definition of intersex includes a broad swath of sex chromosome anomalies that have nothing to do with having ambiguous genitalia. For example, Klinefelter syndrome is a condition affecting .0922/100, where a male’s sex chromosomes are XXY, instead of the typical XY. But Sax points out that these males develop normally phenotypically – meaning they are observably male in every sense. The only difference is that men with Klinefelter syndrome tend to be infertile. Something similar could be said of females who have Turner syndrome (X instead of XX). They tend to be shorter than the average woman, but are nevertheless clearly female. Sax writes, “Girls with Turner syndrome do not have ambiguous external genitalia (e.g., no clitoromegaly), nor do they typically experience confusion regarding their sexual identity.”[9]

Therefore, Sax concludes that Fausto-Sterling’s statistic that 1.7% of babies are born intersex is misleading, and that a more accurate estimate is almost 100 times smaller at .018% of the population. To help us see these numbers more clearly, Sax writes, “This figure of 0.018% suggests that there are currently about 50,000 true intersexuals living in the United States. These individuals are of course entitled to the same expert care and consideration that all patients deserve. Nothing is gained, however, by pretending that there are 5,000,000 such individuals.”[10]

As Sax points out, the other, perhaps deeper flaw in Fausto-Sterling’s argument is that she doesn’t acknowledge that such genetic anomalies are pathological. Genetic anomalies are by definition abnormal and thus variants from what naturally develops in a healthy individual. Again, this does not dismiss intersex people as somehow less valuable; rather, it helps clinicians and their patients assess the best treatment without being hindered by confusion. Thus, male and female remain the healthy norm, and Fausto-Sterling’s whole argument falls apart.

Christians should consider chromosomal abnormalities as deformities demonstrating we live in a fallen world while also remaining committed to the good of intersexuals as persons made in the image of God.

Does the Bible ever address those born intersex? Interestingly, in a context where Jesus affirms that marriage is the lifelong union between a male and a female, He also mentions that “there are eunuchs who have been so from birth” (Matthew 19:12), which demonstrates an acknowledgement of intersex persons. Elsewhere, the prophet Isaiah predicts a future time when eunuchs and foreigners (who were at that time excluded from the covenant community) would be welcomed in and joined to the people of God.

Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the Lord say,
    “The Lord will surely separate me from his people”;
and let not the eunuch say,
    “Behold, I am a dry tree.”
For thus says the Lord:
“To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,
    who choose the things that please me
    and hold fast my covenant,
I will give in my house and within my walls
    a monument and a name
    better than sons and daughters;
I will give them an everlasting name
    that shall not be cut off. (Isaiah 56:3-5)[11]

God’s word of comfort is that despite being a eunuch (whether you were born as such or had surgery) or a foreigner, you too will have the same privileges when you come to the Lord by grace. There is tremendous hope here for everyone, whether you are an intersex person, a person who has had gender transition surgery, or a person whose past is filled with promiscuity (see 1 Corinthians 6:9-11; note especially “And that is what some of you were”).

It is a reminder that the message of the gospel is that Jesus Christ has purchased eternal salvation and forgiveness for all who would freely come to Him in repentance and faith. The gospel is a message of grace, not works – not even the “work” of fitting traditional gender stereotypes. Isaiah 56 reminds us that while we may never be physically whole in this life, God’s grace promises us wholeness in Christ, and in eternity, a new resurrection body free of distorted desires or abnormalities.

Are Feelings the Arbiter of Truth?

Beyond giving a child a foundational understanding of the body and human identity from the Bible, it’s also worth considering the known harmful effects of gender theory. For example, many teens who were encouraged to transition later deeply regret their decision to listen to such advice. While the data concerning those who have decided to later detransition is not always presented, Abigail Shrier discusses the need to consider this evidence in her book Irreversible Damage.

Shrier writes, “Several studies indicate that nearly 70 percent of kids who experience childhood gender dysphoria—and are not affirmed or socially transitioned—eventually outgrow it.”[12] This contradicts the assumption that the only right response to a child’s experience of gender dysphoria is affirmation.

Parents must recognize that there are numerous cases where a child’s psychological state most needs correction and guidance, not unquestioning affirmation. For example, when a depressed teen really believes they are worthless and has no reason to keep living, that teen needs to be loved and counseled into a new way of thinking about their identity.

First and foremost, they need to know the love of God and the beauty of living for His glory above all else. They need to hear that God identifies with those experiencing emotional distress and anguish. Love and support for someone as a person does not always mean agreement with what the loved one is saying about themselves.

Christian parents need to regularly remind their children that their feelings can lead them astray. Our culture (mostly Hollywood) bombards us with the message “Follow your heart.” But according to the Bible this is getting things backward. The heart is the instrument by which we are to trust our Creator:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6, ESV)

This world was designed by God and for God (Romans 11:36), so it only makes sense to have His Word be the fixed reference point by which we test our limited “understanding.” Twice in the book of Proverbs we read:

“There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.” (Proverbs 14:12; cf. 16:25)

In the Star Wars film, The Phantom Menace, Qui-Gon Jinn counsels young Anakin Skywalker, “Feel, don’t think.” The Bible says that is terrible advice.[13]

“The heart is deceitful above all things,
    and desperately sick;
    who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9, ESV)

Even secular psychologists lend agreement to this conclusion. Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt warns about the danger of “emotional reasoning.” Haidt says, “It is challenging to think well. We are easily led astray by feelings and by group loyalties.”[14]

With anything, children need to be reminded to check their feelings with reality, primarily with the truth rooted in Scripture. So when it comes to the question of gender identity, great care is needed. As Shrier explains, there is a growing tendency among therapists to give more credibility to “the ineffable feelings of an eight-year-old” than “chromosomal DNA” when it comes to identity.[15]

So, what should parents do if their child “comes out” as transgender? Granted, the approach will vary based on your child’s age. There’s a difference between a six-year-old repeating an idea he’s heard and a twelve-year-old sharing what she feels about her own gender identity.

While this is no doubt a difficult situation, I would strongly recommend parents not overreact. First, listen. Let your child share how they came to this conclusion. Ask questions, like, “Why do you feel you are now a boy (or girl)?” Without condemning or affirming what they’re saying, listen thoughtfully. Giving them your full attention will demonstrate your sincere love and might lead to further dialogue about this all-important issue. Sometimes children have bought into the idea that if they don’t fit into rigid gender stereotypes, they must be living as the wrong gender.

But what Christian parents must do is compassionately share the truth about gender and identity from a biblical perspective. Listening is never enough, because parents are charged with instructing their children to live according to their God-given identity. And it is through finding their identity in Christ that they will come to know true joy.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4, ESV)

Feel free to comment or share your thoughts below!

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[1] “Genderbread Person & LGBT+ Umbrella,” The Safe Zone Project, http://thesafezoneproject.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/GenderbreadPersonLGBTQUmbrella.pdf

[2] Abigail Shrier, Irreversible Damage, chapter 3.

[3] Shrier, Irreversible Damage, chapter 6.

[4] C. S. Lewis, God in the Dock: Essays on Theology and Ethics, ed. Walter Hooper (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1970), 292.

[5] Helen Joyce, Trans (Oneworld Publications, 2021), Kindle edition.

[6] In the first chapter of Ephesians alone, the phrase “in Christ” is used a dozen times.

[7] Jeannie Visootak and John M. Graham, “Klinefelter Syndrome and Other Sex Chromosomal Aneuploidies,” Orphanet Journal of Rare Diseases 1, no. 42 (October 24, 2006).

[8] Mark Olmstead, “When Jesus Agreed With Lady Gaga: What The Bible Says About Transgender Persons,” Huffington Post, August 31, 2017, https://www.huffpost.com/entry/when-jesus-agreed-with-lady-gaga-what-the-bible-says_b_59a813cce4b096fd8876c0d1

[9] Leonard Sax, “How Common Is Intersex?” https://www.leonardsax.com/how-common-is-intersex-a-response-to-anne-fausto-sterling/

[10] Ibid.

[11] In Acts 8:26-39, we see the Ethiopian eunuch fulfill this promise through faith in Jesus as he reads from the scroll of Isaiah just three chapters before this in Isaiah 53.

[12] Shrier, Irreversible Damage.

[13] As an aside, the adult Anakin seems to have fully subscribed to this advice, which ironically leads him to “the dark side.” All you Star Wars fans are nodding right now.

[14] Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff, The Coddling of the American Mind, chapter 13.

[15] Shrier, Irreversible Damage, chapter 6.