In our busy, technology-saturated, and fast-paced 21st century world, we need clarity on what to prioritize in life. Sometimes, we have to say “No” to good things that are simply not the best things for the moment. When we let God set our priorities, we see from Scripture that God expects us to prioritize our family relationships, and if you are married, the marriage relationship must rank first.

A great place to glean wisdom on family systems and relationships is the timeless book of Proverbs. In Proverbs 31, we learn about the quintessential hard-working woman and how her kids call her blessed and her husband praises her.

Her children arise and call her blessed;
    her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
    but you surpass them all.” (Proverbs 31:28-29, NIV)

How are you doing at praising your spouse? Words have power. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue,” says Proverbs 18:21. And in chapter 31, the author, King Lemuel (Proverbs 31:1), discusses not only how amazing this particular woman is (possibly his wife), but also that her husband praises her. The husband does not take his wife for granted. He recognizes all that she is and all she’s done, and he’s saying to his wife, “You know, you really are an amazing woman.” 

Author Gary Chapman calls this “words of affirmation.” It is something that can easily slip off the radar for a married couple, but it’s essential for a thriving relationship. Both men and women need to hear words of affirmation from others, but when you’re married, your spouse’s words carry the most weight. Because the couple lives together and they see one another’s flaws unlike anyone else, a spouse’s heartfelt praise carries tremendous power. 

A wife needs to hear how much her husband adores her.  A husband needs to know that his wife values and respects him. And if you want to strengthen your marriage, there’s no better place to start than building one another up with words. A wife needs to hear her husband say things like, “Sure, there are many amazing women out there, but you stand out above the rest. I only have eyes for you!”

Some men respond, “I don’t know how to praise my wife… I’m not a words guy.” That is something we call a lame excuse. If you don’t know how to do something, you’re not off the hook. Put in a little effort. Watch your wife’s favorite movies with her, and you’ll figure out what she likes to hear. Or better yet, just be more observant of her and simply express some appreciation. But don’t make excuses for not building up your wife with words.

I once heard a husband refer to his wife as “the old ball and chain.” I’m guessing that their intimacy level is not red hot.

In the same way, wives, your words have tremendous power to build up and encourage your husband. Your words will either build him up in the best possible way or they will tear him down in the worst way. Your husband needs to hear words of affirmation and affection from you, too. He needs to know you respect and value his leadership in the marriage.

But since husbands are called to be leaders, you husbands should be leading the way in this practice. Speak life into her when she wakes up. At night, let her know what she means to you. Praise her at the dinner table in front of kids or grandkids. Leave a love note on the bathroom mirror. Make a point of telling her just how grateful you are.

Your words have tremendous power to either build up or tear down your spouse.

So many marriages would be improved if husbands and wives committed to letting one another know just how much they appreciate each other for all they do. This is important.

All married people recognize they are married to an imperfect person. And that’s exactly why you need to bring Jesus into every aspect of your marriage. Because if you have two imperfect people committing to do life together for the rest of their days, you should expect the need for a lot of grace and a lot of forgiveness going both ways.

But when you bring Jesus into your marriage, you have two imperfect people and one perfect God. And He can redeem your marriage. He can change the way your marriage looks. He can make it into a living display of His covenant love for us. That’s a supernatural thing. And God can do it when you commit your marriage to Him.

Have thoughts on this post? I’d love to hear from you!