Many are familiar with Jesus’ famous words: “First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:5, NIV). His point was that we tend to see the faults in others before we see them in ourselves.

For example, when you’re on the freeway, have you ever noticed it’s always the other guy that doesn’t know how to drive? Those who drive faster than you are the maniacs that are trying to get themselves killed. Then, there are the slowpokes. It’s always their fault for making you late! But notice from this example that everyone is judged by you. You are the gold standard of good driving, and everyone else is measured by you.

That reminds me of the woman at an airport who, while waiting for her plane to arrive, sat down with a book and a package of cookies she’d just purchased. After she’d become engrossed in her novel, she suddenly noticed the man sitting next to her fumbling to open the package of cookies on the seat between them. She was so astonished that a stranger would help himself to her cookies that she wasn’t sure what to do. So, she grabbed a cookie and ate it. The man said nothing but reached for another cookie himself. Well, she wasn’t going to let this guy eat all of them, so she grabbed another. When they were down to one cookie, the man reached over, broke the cookie in half, and got up and left. The woman was appalled. Where did this guy get the nerve? The announcement came to board the plane, so she gathered up her purse. Still angry at the man’s audacity, she reached in to grab her ticket. It suddenly dawned on her that she really shouldn’t judge others too harshly—for there in her purse lay her still-unopened package of cookies.

What is your gut level response when you’ve been wronged? How do you respond to derisive comments about your appearance, ability, or beliefs?

The greatest example of all in this respect is the Lord Jesus Christ. How did the One who reigns supremely over the entire universe respond to insults?

“Indeed this is part of your calling. For Christ suffered for you and left you a personal example, and wants you to follow in his steps. ‘Who committed no sin, nor was guile found in his mouth’. Yet when he was insulted he offered no insult in return. When he suffered he made no threats of revenge. He simply committed his cause to the one who judges fairly.” (1 Peter 2:21-23, J. B. Phillips Translation)

Seek Reconciliation, Not Retaliation

When Saturday Night Live comedian, Pete Davidson, crudely mocked Congressman-elect Dan Crenshaw because of his eye patch and glibly remarked, “I know he lost his eye in the war or whatever,” no one anticipated how Crenshaw would respond. Instead of firing back in anger, Crenshaw showed incredible humility and compassion for his mocker. A torrent of comments came in from SNL fans who criticized Davidson, calling his remark “disgusting” and chewing him out for his disrespect for a modern war veteran who had been injured in the line of duty defending the country.

In response to the backlash, Davidson spiraled downward into a pit of depression and self-loathing, even to the point of contemplating suicide at one point. Davidson wrote on Instagram, “I really don’t want to be on this earth anymore. I’m doing my best to stay here for you but I actually don’t know how much longer I can last. All I’ve ever tried to do was help people. Just remember I told you so.”

Many might have expected Crenshaw to join in the criticism and even say something like, “Serves him right for mocking a veteran.” Instead, Crenshaw did the unexpected thing. He reached out to Davidson in a friendly and encouraging way. He told the comedian that everyone has a purpose in this world and that “God put you here for a reason. It’s your job to find that purpose. And you should live that way.”

Instead of firing back, Crenshaw built a bridge. And instead of getting defensive, Crenshaw showed humility. Crenshaw, the Navy SEAL trained in military strike and defense seized the grace opportunity. He put Davidson’s own well-being before his pride and chose to show unconditional love. Interestingly, when Crenshaw reached out to Davidson, he learned that Davidson’s own father was a firefighter who had been killed in the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks when Davidson was only seven years old. When they later appeared on SNL together, Crenshaw offered high praise for the sacrifice that Davidson’s father had made. When the segment was over, the humbled comedian leaned over and whispered, “You are a good man.”

When we seize the grace opportunity, we can actually win over even our enemies. It all begins with not retaliating when someone belittles us.

Confront without Condemnation

“Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.” (James 4:11, NIV)

Isn’t it interesting? James says that when you retaliate by verbally tearing someone to pieces—especially your own Christian brother–you are not just judging that person, you’re judging the law! You’re becoming a critic of God Himself, because you’re essentially telling Him, “You need help in judging the world!” But God never needs our help in judging others. He can do it just fine on His own.

This doesn’t mean there’s no place for confronting someone caught in sin. But when you condemn others, you’re essentially putting yourself in the Judgment Seat reserved for God.

For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living. You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat.” (Romans 14:9-10, ESV)

Paul’s argument works like this. Have you died and returned to life? No? Then who are you to make any kind of final judgment about a person? Never forget that it’s not just the person who wronged you, but you too who will stand before the judgment seat of Christ.

So even when you confront others in sin, don’t condemn them with your words or actions. Do you really want to be the one who says, “God’s judgment isn’t severe enough”?

If you study human history, it is remarkable when you consider how much bloodshed, battles, and wars have been caused by this deep personal desire to get even—to settle the score. Because of vendettas, the Capulets war against the Montagues, and the Crips war against the Bloods. When the mighty Samson was bested in a game of riddles, his desire for personal vengeance sent him into a fit of rage, in which he slaughtered 30 Philistines and torched a grain field. And today, we are tempted to torch one another with our words, instead of taking the opportunity to show grace.

The cycle of retaliation and slander can even happen in the microcosm of a family, where one brother is always seeking to one-up another.

Romans 14:4 says, “Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls.”

Honor Your Opponent

The great evangelist Dwight L. Moody once had his own grace opportunity when preaching the gospel to a large crowd. One young, headstrong theological student in the crowd began to publicly challenge the things that Moody, the veteran preacher, was saying. The student rudely interrupted him several times and tried to trip him up. Finally, Moody got fed up with this ill-mannered student. The evangelist, who was well-known for his eloquence, used his gift with words to punish the young man, sharply putting him in his place in front of everyone.

Thinking that the young man got what he deserved, the crowd applauded. However, later in his talk, Moody stopped himself and said, “Friends, I have to confess before all of you that at the beginning of my meeting I gave a very foolish answer to my brother down here. I ask God to forgive me, and I ask him to forgive me.”

In that moment, Moody could have chosen to go home satisfied that he had soundly defeated the insolent opponent. Instead, he chose to take the grace opportunity. Even though his was the lesser sin, he was the first to repent and ask for forgiveness. Moody recognized that too often it is easier to tear someone down because it gives us a momentary victory. But the real victory is to lay aside our pride and not sit in judgment on someone. Otherwise, their arrogance becomes our arrogance, and we haven’t really won anything more than the applause of men.

It’s not always the case, but sarcasm is often deployed to cut an opponent down. One area I want to grow in is responding to those who mock me with gentleness and warmth. In one sense, I want to score more grace points than put-down points. How many times am I choosing to show grace when a quick put-down feels more natural? If I’m calling myself a follower of Jesus, I better look like He did when He was mocked and attacked by others (see Luke 23:34).

A quick word of clarification: There is a difference between making moral judgments and making a judgment of condemnation on someone else. Christ never discourages us from making moral judgments. While we cannot totally separate the sinner from their sin, there is a way to say, “I am utterly opposed to what you are doing, but I am totally for you as a person made in God’s image.” To say “abortion is evil” is a moral judgment, and it’s right to make that judgment because I’m agreeing with God’s condemnation of murdering innocent humans as stated in the Bible.[1] But what God forbids is slandering or condemning our neighbor, because only God has the right to pronounce final judgment on our lives. This means I can refute the arguments of an advocate for abortion choice, but I can also show that very person dignity as someone created and loved by God.

Our world is characterized by outrage, anger, and retaliation. “Getting even” and “Giving people their due” is even encouraged. But God wants us to rise above the selfish response. He calls us to treat others better than they deserve. Jesus has treated us infinitely better than we deserve, and He calls us to seize the grace opportunity.

Have thoughts on this post? Feel free to comment below!

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[1] https://lampandlightdevotionals.wordpress.com/2022/03/03/what-does-the-bible-say-about-abortion/