From the moment we emerge from our mother’s womb, we crave closeness and connection. New mothers are encouraged to practice skin-to-skin contact to bond with their babies. Have you ever wondered why a baby’s head smells so good? It’s because God designed their scent glands to secrete pheromones which actually make their perspiration smell sweet.[1] Everything about our physiology seems to point to this need for community. Through eye contact, we connect. Through a hug, we comfort. Through body language, we convey emotions.

Humans naturally long to be with other humans. When we are left in isolation, we quite literally start to go insane. Just watch the film Castaway, where Tom Hanks’ character is stranded on a desert island and forced to befriend a volleyball named “Wilson.” Sure, there are days where we tell ourselves, “Life would be great, if it weren’t for other people.” But like it or not, at the end of the day, we crave human contact.

This has everything to do with how God originally wired us. We were created in the image of a personal God of community. He has eternally existed as Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. In other words, God is by nature a God of relationships. That’s why God said “it is not good that the man should be alone” when He made us to reflect His nature (Genesis 2:18). From the very beginning, we were wired for community!

Many today will ask the question, “Why should I bother with the church anyway?” Perhaps, you can relate to this question. Maybe you were hurt by others in a church, and you feel church is not worth the effort or the risk of being hurt again. After all, they reason, I can have a relationship with God without being part of a church.

It’s this sentiment that has led to the mantra we often hear: “I’m spiritual, but not religious.” Although I have an idea of where this statement comes from, that response has always somewhat bothered me. There seems to be a whole bundle of worldview assumptions buried in that simple declaration. The worst part about this is that it seems to draw a solid black line between that which is spiritual and that which is religious (or even church-related). Such a dichotomy seems to fly in the face of so much of what I know personally and what I see in Scripture.

Is it true that we can have a relationship with God without being involved in a church? The answer, according to Scripture, is that at the moment we come to Jesus Christ in repentant faith, we are indeed reconciled to our Creator. We don’t need the church or a leader in the church to establish our conversion; that’s something God alone can accomplish. So the answer to the question above is “yes,” but it is a qualified “yes.”

Here’s what I mean. To be in a relationship with someone implies that you are living with that person — not merely speaking to that person, but also listening to that person. And God, in His Word, has a lot to say about the great importance of regularly gathering with a local church.

For example: “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:24-25, NIV). So, for the Christian, “meeting together” should be a regular, consistent part of our life. In fact, the emphasis on “encouraging one another,” implies that we will benefit spiritually as we meet together in the context of the local church.

In the past year, with the spread of COVID-19, this has taken a different shape for many who cannot meet for various reasons. Either way, meeting together should be the norm for the church – barring exceptional circumstances. In this past year, many have found ways to “meet” or interact online. Would Paul have this in mind as a form of gathering? Since he lived in the first century, not the twenty-first, the answer is clearly “No.”

Technology has its limitations, and I don’t think it’s an ideal permanent substitution for the vast majority of Christians who can meet together. But even if it’s not the ideal, at least it allows believers to study God’s Word together, pray for each other’s needs, and talk with one another. Several people have told me how grateful they are that our church has online options available; otherwise, they wouldn’t be able to participate in church life at all. I know what it’s like to be encouraged when talking with Christian brothers and sisters on Skype who are halfway around the world. Sure, the fellowship is not as sweet as when we meet in person, but I can still say I’m thankful for the connections that technology gives us. Overall, the in-person gathering is certainly the ideal the church should strive for because there’s a certain level of fellowship or community that technology can’t achieve.

And since definitions are important, by “church” I do not mean that brick building with stained glass windows. The Greek word we translate as “church,” ekklesia, simply means “a gathering or assembly of people.”[2] However, in the Christian sense, it refers to a “gathering of believers in Jesus Christ.”

Too often, men today can think of true manhood as being this solitary, John Wayne-like individual who has no need for friendships. It’s as if being alone and independent of others is the epitome of manliness. But that’s not true! Our Creator says, “It’s not good for the man to be alone.”

In the words of the theologian-poet, John Donne: “No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main.”

Not only is perpetual isolation unfulfilling, it is also unwise. It can often reveal a stubborn unwillingness to listen to the counsel of others. Proverbs 18:1 says, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.”

Here’s how this can work out. In our pride, we can think, “Of course I know what’s best for me. I don’t need to listen to anyone else.” What about when others are counseling you not to go down a road in life they consider unwise or dangerous? They can easily be ignored, because you don’t consider yourself in community with them. Proverbs says that when you isolate yourself from others who can speak wisdom into your life, you are raging against sound judgment. You are actively choosing the way of destruction.

God calls believers to live in community with other believers, so that they are in a context where others can know them well and speak biblical wisdom, love, and encouragement into their lives. God says, “Don’t isolate yourself. Christian men, unite with other Christian men and seek accountability as a band of brothers, walking together in the journey of life. Christian women, form close bonds with other Christian women as your sisters in the Lord who can share life with you.”

In the dark days of Israel recounted in the sobering book of Judges, we are told: “In those days there was no king in Israel. Everyone did what was right in his own eyes” (Judges 17:6; 21:25). It’s a tragic thing to see men and women refuse counsel and accountability to others. Although they imagine they are building up a fortress of protection around themselves, in reality they are cutting themselves off from growth, hope, and the joy of Christian fellowship.

If you are a Christian, God calls you to not neglect the gathering of a local body of believers when you are able. From the moment the church was first launched, the Holy Spirit came upon the gathered group of believers on the Day of Pentecost. Note the way Luke explains this: “All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper), and to prayer” (Acts 2:42, NLT). Whether we are willing to admit it or not, we need one another. We were designed for community.

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_{[1] Rachel Nuwer, Smithsonian Magazine, (https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/the-smell-of-newborn-babies-triggers-the-same-reward-centers-as-drugs-58482/  September 24, 2013)}

_{[2] See Wayne Grudem, Systematic Theology, 2^nd Edition. (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2020),), 1048. Grudem points out in footnote 2 that even in the Septuagint (the Greek translation of the Old Testament) the word ekklesia “refers frequently to the assemblies of God’s people.”}