By Jason Smith

While growing up, you likely heard someone say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” But, of course, that’s not true. In many ways, words can bring harm at a level that sticks and stones never could. Because words can pierce through to the heart.

I can recall from an early age how much words affected me. There was a time one of my good friends made a joke at my expense, and I can still remember how much that stung to hear someone I looked up to making fun of me. I also remember times that I spoke something hurtful, and I can still see the look of anguish that I caused and still feel the tinge of guilt.

In the documentary Won’t You Be My Neighbor, it is revealed that the beloved Fred Rogers, of the classic children’s show Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood, was once bullied as a child and called “Fat Freddy.” The whole ordeal really hurt the young boy, and it taught him early in life how much power our words can have on others.

Words carry far more weight than we give them credit. They have the ability to cut people so deeply that healing can take a long time. Perhaps you grew up in a household where you heard countless threats, name-calling, insults, and a regular supply of bitter sarcasm directed at you. Such an experience can be debilitating. You can grow up with the sense that you have little to no value in the eyes of others. It can make you wish you were someone else. The whole trajectory of your life can be devastated – all because of words.

However, there is a flip side to all this. Not only do our words carry incredible power to tear down, they also have the power to build up.

The wise author of Proverbs wrote, “The tongue has the power of life and death” (Proverbs 18:21). When your child is hurting, feeling crushed by defeat, or upset about something, your words of encouragement can be like a refreshing spring rain that brings life and joy. Even for an adult, a timely compliment can change the whole mood of the day. And yes, it’s also true that words can kill – in fact, in some tragic cases, they have. People can be driven to despair and angst by the cruel and biting words of another.

Because of their unique role, fathers should especially take all this to heart. Sociologists, psychologists, and historians have written reams about the undeniable impact a father can have on his child’s life – for good or ill. I believe that one of the primary roles God has given to fathers is that they would be there to build up their children with their words. Spending time with your children, hearing them articulate their own thoughts, and telling them why you think they’re so great is such a simple but immensely beneficial act of fatherhood.

The Apostle Paul wrote, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29, ESV).

How different our world would be if fathers took this counsel to heart. What if every single dad in the world resolved each morning to only say that which is good, encouraging, and helpful for building up their children? What kind of difference would that make? How many family rifts, embittered hearts, and feelings of despair could be avoided through this simple, daily practice?

This in no way eliminates the need for discipline. Instead, it very purposefully puts all loving discipline of your child in the right framework.

When your little guy is misbehaving, running amok, and causing trails of disaster wherever he goes, it can be hard to restrain your tongue. When your daughter throws a fit in the mall because she didn’t get the candy she was pleading for, it can be a challenge to not thrown your own private fit later. When your son uses your power tools for the eleventh time and leaves them out in the rain, it may seem impossible not to scream about how irresponsible he is. (Some of you are cringing even as I describe these scenarios!)

But how we speak in those moments can mean all the difference in the world for that child. And, trust me, this is coming from a dad who hasn’t always chosen to speak in a way that gives “grace to those who hear.” But giving grace is what we should strive for and, with God’s help, it’s something achievable.

When they don’t get the “A” they studied so hard for or don’t make the team they had dreams of playing on, they may just need Dad to silently sit with them or hug them. But when the time is right, lift their spirits with a word of encouragement. Remind them how much you love them, in the successes and the failures. Give them the boost they need. Leave no room for doubt that you are proud of them nonetheless!

Doesn’t every father need this reminder? Dads, build them up.